Hot Pockets Subs

[Dashe]

IMO, these things are nasty. They make you cook them in the microwave, and every time I try, I either burn them, or they're still frozen in the middle. And where's the crispy crunchy tender flaky crust? They're all...soft and mushy, like a sub. And Subway makes better subs that have less calories anyway. I feel like I got ripped off...

[Santa Melty]

I don’t see how they are subs at all. Aren’t subs sandwiches of some kind? All those hot pocket things are are lumps of bread with meat and cheese inside. Or maybe ham, depending on what kind you eat. I think the problem may lie in your microwave, because nearly all of my hot pockets come out very well done. A good technique to remember is to cut some incisions into the pocket before microwaving it. It’ll have exploded slightly by the time the process is done, but it’ll be cooked all the way through.

What I find more annoying is the fact that it is always too hot to eat when you first remove it, and you have to wait for several minutes as it cools. What is the point, really? It just sits there, looking all appetizing, and by the time it’s cool enough to actually eat, you’ve already moved on to something quicker. I know I’ve done that several times. The cheesy pepperoni-flavored ones are the worst. I don’t know why, but cheese and heat seem to get along very well, because it’s always the hottest part of the dish. Even if you bite into it immediately, you’re normally fine until you hit a pocket of cheese. That’s when you’re going to burn something.

And another thing. Do you ever notice how each individual hot pocket seems to need a different cooking time? Sure, a general timeframe works most of the time, but there is always one or two in the box that seem to need a little more or a little less. Perhaps that’s just me, but it always seems to turn up that way. Besides that, they are terribly hard to cut after they are cooked. The crust becomes soft and mushy, and when you try to cut it with a butter knife, it breaks apart, and all of the filling comes out. It cools faster, sure, but the mess of it is very annoying. If you want to cut it well, you need a something like a bread knife, which it much more of a pain to clean, because you have to scrub it slowly, lest you cut your hand. A perfect waste of thirty seconds. Either that, or make sure that it’s slightly undercooked so that it remains more solid, allowing you to cut it with a butter knife, but then it tastes horrible. So you’re stuck with either leaving it undercooked, or cooking it all the way through and having to not only wait for it to cool, but also have to expend yourself cleaning a dish. Whatever you choose, it’s going to be unsatisfactory as compared to something like some leftovers, especially if you’re like me and leave them out on the stove in the pot to simmer all day. You can keep coming back to it over and over whenever you wish, using the same dish each time. It tastes much better, it’s healthier, and it saves dishes. It’s perfect.

... Unless you don’t use a knife to eat hot pockets, but that’s a different dimension of snacking altogether.

Or were you speaking of some other product besides the original hot pockets? Because thinking about it, I’ve never heard of them making ‘subs’... o.o


As per Subway, it’s one of the better serve-and-go restaurants out there, but I never particularly liked franchises. They’re all a bit different, and it can get on your nerves over time. For example, I used to live near a mall with an excellent Subway. Their staff had a precise technique, and always got things done quickly and efficiently. They’d always cut open the bread the same way, put on the ingredients in the same manner, ask you if you want extras, and then you pay. And for whoever thinks that one cannot put ingredients on a piece of bread in a correct manner, you clearly have not tried a sub with the meat and other main ingredients placed on the bottom with the tomatoes and other such vegetables on the opposite side of the bread and then have it folded together using a knife as opposed to placing all of the ingredients on one side and then folding it, which results in the sub falling apart when you try to bite it, especially on the foot-longs, like how they do it in the new restaurant. After I moved, I started going to the next nearest one, which is complete garbage compared to the first. All of the people are either young, fresh workers who don’t know what they’re doing or really slow old people. Have you ever been in a car behind a really slow old person? That’s the kind of old people I need to deal with there. How dare they be old when they’re making my sub. Not only is the service there slow and inefficient, but they make those inferior subs as described earlier, and they rigged the drink machine to dispense the soda more quickly. Upon first glance, that may seem like a bonus, but put some thought into it. Most sodas are carbonated, and when it pours out quickly, the gasses separate, and the drink bubbles. A lot. The suds always make the cup look full, when in reality it’s only 6/7 full. Then, if you wish to get your money’s worth, you’ll need to stand there and continue pushing the little button that makes the soda come out until the cup is full, which takes some time if you don’t want it to bubble over, but that makes you feel guilty about holding up the line, so you have to settle for the 6/7 of a cup, which is never enough to finish one of their meals with the foot-long and the bag of chips. So you’ll need to go and get a can of soda from the fridge, because heaven forbid you’ll be drinking water with a roast beef sub. That’s money down the drain. So really, whether or not you’re getting ripped off depends on the branch. I’d go on about some of my theories about the soda companies and such vagrant machines, but that might not be relevant.

[Dashe]

I never had a problem with original Hot Pockets, because I always stuck them in the oven for half an hour and they always came out just fine (I have a lot of patience). After removing the Hot Pocket from the oven, I'd jab it a couple of times with a fork, and then wait for all the steam to go away, then eat it, because by then it will have cooled off to a reasonable eating temperature. I never had a problem with any of that, because it tasted pretty good in the end and didn't result in any dirty dishes save for the one fork.

However, Hot Pockets SUBS are another story. I swear, I'd never heard of them till just today. It's like a hot pocket INSIDE a sub roll. And you HAVE TO COOK IT IN THE MICROWAVE.

So I put the stupid thing in the microwave for 2 minutes and 30 seconds like the box says, and I take it out of the microwave and remove the crisping sleeve. Then, I go to jab it with the fork...and the fork wouldn't penetrate the exterior of the roll! When that didn't work, I decided to take a chance and just bite into it. Naturally, I burned my mouth, and after running around for a couple of minutes screaming bloody murder and waiting for the Hot Pockets Sub to cool, I took another bite, and it was fine (though not crispy in the least.) After about three bites, I nearly broke my teeth on a chunk of ice. THE MIDDLE WAS FROZEN SOLID. Disgusted, I chucked the thing in the trash and tried again with a second HPS.

This time, I doubled the microwave time. It seemed perfectly logical, seeing as last time it had only cooked halfway through. When the timer beeped on the microwave and I opened the door, a cloud of smoke came billowing out and into my face. I waved it away, and when the smoke had cleared, I found the HPS, a perfectly inedible black brick sitting in the middle of the microwave and stinking up my kitchen. I couldn't even throw this one in the kitchen trash because it smelled so bad...almost like burned popcorn (but not quite as pungent). I chucked it out the window as far as I could, and it landed somewhere in the middle of the street for some hapless fool to run over with their car.

That is my experience with the dreaded Hot Pockets Subs. Unfortunately my mom bought five boxes of them, which are still sitting in the freezer unopened...

[pitch]

o.o

You guys sure had a lot to say about that didn't you?

I've had 'em. I don't really think they were too terrible, but I think I'd much rather walk the mile and a couple blocks to the nearest Subway and get a real FRESH sub. But normal Hot Pockets take up like... 40% of my phood consumption(+50% cereal, and 10% whatever else I should happen to eat), and I don't think they're TOO terrible. I only really like the Ham 'n Cheese ones. Those pepperoni and sausage ones are disgusting. Those breakfast and Dessert Hotpockets aren't too bad either though. =/

[Darfox8]

Hate to post without reading all the previous ones in this thread but I can't read all of that. Espeacially when it's about Hot Pockets. But my mom bought it once and it was very good. I don't now? It just tasted right. Not like pizza though.