Post by Chiz on Sept 19, 2007 4:10:38 GMT -5
Sorry for (from my perspective) the lower quality of this month's issue. I've been rather busy all month, and I really haven't been inspired towards funny or notable topics. I also haven't gotten around to a horoscope....so yeah, sorry about crappy issue, and uh, enjoy Talk-Like-An-Air-Pirate Day!
A recent private archaeological dig funded by the Society for the Preservation Of Old Kattelox ('SPOOK') meant to explore the network of ruins underneath the island have unearthed a particularly interesting relic which has many historians debating its meanings. The object, which is 2 short texts - when translated pertains to "carbon-copied lifeforms" and an earlier one pertaining to "robotic duplication" - has some suggesting that past cultures or civilizations which resided on the island, even perhaps the peoples who created what is now know as 'Old Kattelox', were advanced enough to clone reaverbots, animals or perhaps even people.
Some have made suggestions of genetic experiments and biomechanical creations having once populated Kattelox, or even that the population as a whole descended from cloned people and aliens from another planet, but there's no substantial evidence to support this.
This has been heralded by those in the field as the most significant discovery since the ancient fresco of a blue-armoured archer battling a large Sphinx was unearthed some 2 decades ago.
Nino Island has recently been put into a lockdown after rumours started spreading that there was radioactive waste and contaminants in the air. We were able to speak with the Ruminoa police chief.
Kattelox Times: What can you tell us about the situation in Ruminoa this afternoon?
Police Chief: Well, we've locked down the island until we determine the veracity of rumours that have been circulating that there is potentially radioactive material in the air. We're inspecting the ruins, our equipment, and the air filtration systems for a possible source, but we haven't found anything yet. Nonetheless, better safe than sorry.
KT: Is there any ETA on when Nino Island will once again be opened to the general public?
PC: Well, obviously, if there indeed is a radioactive substance in the air we will not be opening the island back up until we can make sure that visitors won't be in danger. Sadly, this may take centuries, putting business owners and the few residents and their families through a great loss. Of course, if it's determined that there is nothing in the air that could pose a hazard, we should have the island back up and running again by the end of the month.
KT: Is it possible that this is all a prank of some sort?
PC: We'd like to believe no one is that malicious, but it has been considered. There have been suggestions that these rumours started from a joke on an online game BBS, but this hasn't been confirmed.
Residents from Ruminoa City have been housed in Kattelox, in the penthouse offices of the island's Library.
This week in a small press release, the Akbar Toy Co. has announced a new line of Bonne-themed toys "designed to unleash the creative and constructive side of aspiring young air pirates". The toy line, called, 'Bonne Bloks', contains various small parts such as interlocking bricks, small objects like boats and ships which can be disassembled and reassembled as various giant robots, and small little toy men with yellow heads and blue bodies.
One parental watchdog group - 'Parents Against Celebration, Merriment, And Nonsense' - claimed that the toys are 'evil, promoting violence to...children" and claimed the toys would teach children how to use a giant robot to wreak havoc on a town. These claims are typically dismissed as simply a publicity grab and that the toys wouldn't be necessarily at fault should a child have the opportunity to get in a giant robot and wreak havoc on his or her town.
Just a short reminder Katteloxians that September 19th is Talk-Like-An-Air-Pirate Day; all stores will be closed and you're encouraged to talk and act like an air pirate, including looting your neighbour's houses and holding air strikes on the smaller, surrounding islands a few kilometres off-shore.
As always, be safe, and don't drink and fly. -The Crew of the Kattelox Times.
ANCIENT RELICS PROMPT DEBATE
A recent private archaeological dig funded by the Society for the Preservation Of Old Kattelox ('SPOOK') meant to explore the network of ruins underneath the island have unearthed a particularly interesting relic which has many historians debating its meanings. The object, which is 2 short texts - when translated pertains to "carbon-copied lifeforms" and an earlier one pertaining to "robotic duplication" - has some suggesting that past cultures or civilizations which resided on the island, even perhaps the peoples who created what is now know as 'Old Kattelox', were advanced enough to clone reaverbots, animals or perhaps even people.
Some have made suggestions of genetic experiments and biomechanical creations having once populated Kattelox, or even that the population as a whole descended from cloned people and aliens from another planet, but there's no substantial evidence to support this.
This has been heralded by those in the field as the most significant discovery since the ancient fresco of a blue-armoured archer battling a large Sphinx was unearthed some 2 decades ago.
RUMOURS SPARK ISLAND-WIDE PANIC IN RUMINOA
Nino Island has recently been put into a lockdown after rumours started spreading that there was radioactive waste and contaminants in the air. We were able to speak with the Ruminoa police chief.
Kattelox Times: What can you tell us about the situation in Ruminoa this afternoon?
Police Chief: Well, we've locked down the island until we determine the veracity of rumours that have been circulating that there is potentially radioactive material in the air. We're inspecting the ruins, our equipment, and the air filtration systems for a possible source, but we haven't found anything yet. Nonetheless, better safe than sorry.
KT: Is there any ETA on when Nino Island will once again be opened to the general public?
PC: Well, obviously, if there indeed is a radioactive substance in the air we will not be opening the island back up until we can make sure that visitors won't be in danger. Sadly, this may take centuries, putting business owners and the few residents and their families through a great loss. Of course, if it's determined that there is nothing in the air that could pose a hazard, we should have the island back up and running again by the end of the month.
KT: Is it possible that this is all a prank of some sort?
PC: We'd like to believe no one is that malicious, but it has been considered. There have been suggestions that these rumours started from a joke on an online game BBS, but this hasn't been confirmed.
Residents from Ruminoa City have been housed in Kattelox, in the penthouse offices of the island's Library.
BONNE LTD., AKBAR TOY COMPANY PRODUCE NEW LINE OF TOYS
This week in a small press release, the Akbar Toy Co. has announced a new line of Bonne-themed toys "designed to unleash the creative and constructive side of aspiring young air pirates". The toy line, called, 'Bonne Bloks', contains various small parts such as interlocking bricks, small objects like boats and ships which can be disassembled and reassembled as various giant robots, and small little toy men with yellow heads and blue bodies.
One parental watchdog group - 'Parents Against Celebration, Merriment, And Nonsense' - claimed that the toys are 'evil, promoting violence to...children" and claimed the toys would teach children how to use a giant robot to wreak havoc on a town. These claims are typically dismissed as simply a publicity grab and that the toys wouldn't be necessarily at fault should a child have the opportunity to get in a giant robot and wreak havoc on his or her town.
KATTELOX CELEBRATES NATIONAL HOLIDAY
Just a short reminder Katteloxians that September 19th is Talk-Like-An-Air-Pirate Day; all stores will be closed and you're encouraged to talk and act like an air pirate, including looting your neighbour's houses and holding air strikes on the smaller, surrounding islands a few kilometres off-shore.
As always, be safe, and don't drink and fly. -The Crew of the Kattelox Times.
This month's issue has been sponsored by:
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