I didn't pass over the thread, mind you. I was just trying to muster up the strength to read. You see, I'm not very good at reading long fanfiction, but I'll make my best attempt, and give you any critique I can think up. I assume FYC is "for your critique?" Either that or "found your car," but I found that last week.
Alright, I'm listing things as I come to them, so just try to bear with me. ^_^; The good news is, these are listed in order off occurance, so that should make them easier to fix.
-For starters, bust cannot actually be used as a verb, and should be changed to burst.
-The "blowing up all over the place" line seems kind of strange, as it implies that the Birdbots themselves are blowing up.
-I was wondering how it is exactly that Tron is hit over the head? Why would she be at the ruins in person without a robot?
-A question mark should be placed after "Would you mind coming with us long enough to make a demand or two?"
-Just a technicality, could a Birdbot give a thumbs up? XD
-In the sentence, "Now an old gentleman was reporting that the mayor of Nino Town was being held in custody for being an idiot and lewd acts with an imported pig," you should probably had "having" or some such word in front of lewd acts.
-In "But miss Tron's in Trouble…", the t should be lowercase in "trouble."
-Spelling sometimes switches from "Servbot" to "Servebot."
-"Starcraft" switches from beginning with a lowercase to beginning with a lowercase at times.
-"Tron's in pain far and away" should probably be corrected, but there's mulitple ways to do it.
-In the title, "Chapter 4: Why Starcraft went down in Flames," er, the capitilization is not quite correct. I guess you could either capatilize it like a regular sentence or also capatilize "went" and "down."
-In ""You started this! Now go back down there and tell Von Bleucher that the ship is going to explode, so we're going to have to Jump!", "jump" should begin with a lowercase 'j.'
-In "But what about the Starcraft, and the drachs?", "Drachs" should begin with a capital 'D,' I believe. Not sure about that though. I think so, because it's a proper noun.
-"What am I a glutton for punishment!" should have a question mark, and perhaps also a comma.
-"Flutter" should begin with a capital in "The flutter will be launching any minute. Try to jump on it!"
-In "He stood there with his mouth open for half a second, before coming to a second realization, and epiphany in fact," the "and" near the end of the sentence was probably supposed to be an "an."
- In"Now Break!", "break" should begin with a lowercase 'b.'
-"One of the stranger things was that most of the servebots where more concerned with carrying out what goods they could rather than trying to put the fire out," should probably be revised a bit in multiple places.
-In "The two or three that had grabbed fire extinguishers only put out fires on top of thing that look valuable, and only long enough for another servbot to lug it out of there and down the hall," "things" should be made plural.
-In "'Run away!' cried one when the roof finally started to sag, and to spite his valiant efforts running was the only half chance of survival," it should probably say "in spite," rather than "to spite."
-"About five Servbots nearly carried him to the dock and threw him in the last drache that took off just as the ship hit the waves," should be revised.
-In "We're in the bay to the Sulfur Bottom, here, I'll help you to the medi-bay, you can get some water there," the first "to" should be "of."
-In "Those few who survive blazing infernos have quite a thirst, and by chance Matilda had just come looking for Roll and he, just as Teasel walked up behind them," "he" should be "him."
-In "(roll was guarding the only other door)," "Roll" should begin with a capital letter.
-In "Matilda… whatever your name its…", I'm assuming "its" should have been "is."
-Roll talking about a "woman's caress" is kind of awkward...
Maybe different wording?
-"While he was lying there a little . if you know what I mean," doesn't seem to make much sense, but then again, maybe I just don't know what you mean. XD
-In "I run a business of repute, I am the mayor of this town. I look to you to sort this out, to be a patient as you can," is Von Bleucher literally saying he's the mayor of somewhere? Or is it just an expression? Because I can't recall him ever being labeled a mayor...
-In "The deck doesn't have a monitor, and we were all going to go over the Video the Bonnes had provided," "video" should be uncapatilized.
-In "Glyde walked of camera and Tron screamed," "of" was probably supposed to be "off."
-In ""I can only imagine that he developed some sort of a thing for her when we were last working together during the Master War," Teasel growled, putting two and two together faster than his little front lobe could handle. "AND THAT MEANS HE HAS NO INTENTION OF GIVING HER BACK AT ALL!", I was just wondering what "the Master War" refers to.
-"The mayor we've been so disgusted by, wasn't as disgusting he was framed!" should be revised a bit.
-"Glyde" should be capatilized in the following sentence.
-The whole thing's not exactly suitable for 5 year olds, right? XD
Sorry if that all seemed super-critical. It's probably just because it's all listed in a list like that. Sorry about that.
Alright, and now, the part I'm sure you've been anxious for:
A PRAISE OF STOPPING THE BONNE FIRE!
-My favorite part was concerning the generic responses of the hospital workers. XD My favorite piece of humor in there.
-Teasel and Megaman are wonderfully portrayed.
-Nice job with the utilization of familiar locations, and the proper naming of new ones, such as "Superia Tower." Reminds me of Megaman X: Command Mission a bit.
-Liked the part where Teasel p4wns Matilda in the age contest. XD
-Much more abundant and well written dialogue than in my fanfiction, and also far more expansive than mine overall.
-"Stopping the Bonne Fire represents a classic battle of good and evil, while painting an elaborate and detailed portrait of the lives of a Latin family struggling to adjust to a new life in America. Bureaucratic Model's clever use of imagery is-"... Oh wait. That's the New York Times review, my bad.
-And most of all, kudos for kindling life into the Fan section! Every bit helps. ^_^
... even if some of you insanity does get on my new shirt.... 