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Post by Dashe on Jul 8, 2011 10:56:22 GMT -5
Man, I wonder what happened to the original captain. She was cool. Murder? Foul play? Retirement?
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 8, 2011 12:44:28 GMT -5
Is that actually Denise's last name?! Maybe I should play MoTB... that's hilarious haha
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Post by Loken on Jul 8, 2011 13:23:06 GMT -5
I'm not the biggest fan of romancey love stories, but I like your writing style and Denise's dialog. I look forward to reading more chapters of this when your ready to write them. What other fan-fics do you have to finish first?
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Post by spacecaptanface on Jul 9, 2011 13:04:37 GMT -5
There's something fishy going on with the mayor. He's up to no good I tells ya! Anyway, I enjoyed reading, though I feel there's something I'm missing. It's probably because I've never played MoTB. Either way, good writing is good writing so I'm excited to see where this goes.
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Post by Loken on Jul 14, 2011 15:43:56 GMT -5
I noticed two small mistakes.
"why would we do about my situation"
'why' should be 'what' I think.
"we will capture you brother and clear your name soon"
'you' should be 'your'
The story is pretty great so far.
I really liked how Denise explains how it would be hard to 'woo' Glyde.
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Post by Dashe on Jul 14, 2011 15:56:12 GMT -5
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Post by Dashe on Jul 16, 2011 12:20:25 GMT -5
Loved the breakfast scene. His choice of coffee fixin's really should've been a dead giveaway. Maybe these guys ought to pick some less obvious names if they want to make it out of this dystopia alive.  You may want to mind your sentence structure in the future. |
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Post by Loken on Jul 16, 2011 13:42:18 GMT -5
Don't worry Steffie I make the same mistakes all the time. I have to use the dang spell check every time I post.
Another great chapter, the Ted/Glenn animosity was palpable.
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Post by spacecaptanface on Jul 17, 2011 22:06:39 GMT -5
Just read the last two chapters and I've gotta say that from what I know of him, you simply nail Glyde's personality. This story is really fun!
But I wonder...if drinking low-fat milk makes one snobby, does drinking fat-free milk make me really snobby?
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Post by Loken on Aug 6, 2011 20:46:06 GMT -5
Another great chapter Steffie! Glad to see that Ted wasn't a one-time appearence.
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Post by Loken on Aug 26, 2011 0:28:02 GMT -5
Oh, I missed your last update! Glad to see it's not a love thing.
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Post by Dashe on Aug 26, 2011 14:00:12 GMT -5
"Illegal Activities and Scandals of Tom Light" is the best name to blantantly plaster on the side of a supposedly secret file folder ever. Your entire cast has all the sneakiness of Bon Bonne hyped up on caffeine, and I love it. It's so awesomely theatrical. Can't wait for the next update. |
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Post by Dashe on Oct 5, 2011 18:47:40 GMT -5
Congrats on finishing this! I can't wait for the next story!
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