I'm an immature, hateful person

[Dr. Jerk]

I guess I'm either a big troll or an immature brat. The latter being more likely.

Some of you, at least the regulars at the MML iscribble board, knows that I happen to be a fan of Osamu Tezuka's works, including his famous work, Mighty Atom/Astro Boy. Heck, I even have Tezuka as my icon and signature. And I'm sure that I have also mentioned once that I'm a fan of both Mega Man and Astro equally, living in a world where the majority of people believe Mega is a direct rip-off of Astro, or believe that the first game was "originally supposed to be an Atom game that was cancelled", even though there has never been official source on this, or any other evidence to prove otherwise. I've looked everywhere.

Well I was also once a member of a fairly active Astro Boy forum, mostly habited by young members who are unfortunately not too bright, to put into kinder words. There weren't a lot of 'mature' members, but the ones who were around were welcomed, and I was considered to be one of them.

Hah, what a lie... Me, a "mature" person. Ahahaha...

It all started some months ago, when I made the terrible mistake of posting that "Top 10 Fictional Robots" from some site that TMMN originally reported. In it, Atom got a slightly better place than Mega. Anyway that wasn't what I was focusing on. I only focused on the fact that Atom had appeared in the list, regardless of place, and decided to repost it at the Astro forums I once frequented. And one of the posts I met with was someone being super happy that Atom got in a better place, and called Mega to be an Atom rip-off.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to hear that, but that post can gotten me a bit angry. And so I went on to post a huge summary of the differences between them. I tried to go into big detail. But everyone kept telling me otherwise. I guess the whole Atom vs Mega thing is a controversy in itself. I felt like I was being ignored too. Maybe they weren't, but it felt like it.

I felt hurt. I felt hurt because I love both Mega and Atom equally, and hearing those things were starting to become offensive to me. And I felt disrespected, even though I admit that I was being a bit disrespectful myself, but that's how it felt when it felt like nobody was listening to a word I said. So I shortly afterwards posted a thread that I was leaving, which irritated some people more of course. Still they tried to convince me to stay. And I decided to stay anyway.

...But this entire thing would just create a longer, bumpier road. I got angry many other times because of other, un-related things and threatened to leave again. They again convinced me to stay, I did, and still it continued. Things became calmer for awhile though.

Maybe I should have left then.

I tried to embrace the fact that I felt like I was the only one who liked the two equally on the forums. But even doing this was just met with more troubles. Such as nearly everyone on DA telling me that fan-made rumor that "Mega was originally supposed to be a Astro game". They ignored me whenever I kept telling them there was no official source on it. One person even said that they would rather believe a wiki than a site or forum. I was in disbelief when they said that. It went as far as me going to TMMN, asking everyone there if there truly was a source, or any other sort of evidence. There was none and the closest thing there was, was of Inafune said that Mega was inspired by several anime. That was pretty obvious to me, I was just looking for THE supposed source if Mega was supposed to be an Astro game. That's quite specific.

I wouldn't deny it if there were such a source. Hell, I do think that Mega might have been inspired by Atom a way. But that's a lot different than saying he was a "rip-off" or whatever.

This past month, I got frustrated with someone as we argued about Shotaro Ishimori, on the Astro forums. I was trying my best to clearly explain certain facts, mostly of the Denkou chapter in the Atom manga. He still didn't understand a thing, it was extremely frustrating. Then these past few days, I got into an argument over someone about a generic robot in the 1960's Atom anime, who had scissors on its head, and whether or not Cut Man was based on him. I tried to make my points that it was some generic robot, and that many robots have had scissors on their heads before, or had similar things. That didn't help. Combined with all sorts of frustrations and stress I was having, I got angry and tried to make my points again, such as the fact that there were no sources on certain things. I even cited the artbooks.

But they were just against me again. I tried to make my points sound as clear as possible, but it was just never getting through. I was literally crying at the last post, trying my hardest to explain something that that wouldn't matter in the end.

...I snapped. I decided to leave for real. I was originally going to leave quietly, but this changed after the last post when I posted a thread telling everyone how much I hated them. Yes I admit that it was a bit much, and I guess I had gone berserk. That thread was obviously since deleted by an admin.

So I've lost a lot of respect, obviously, not like I deserved any.

One of the people there who I considered to be a friend has said that he has had enough of my severe anger issues, and no longer sees a point in talking to me. And I imagine that I probably will not be allowed to work on a project he and some others were working on anymore.

Well, I deserve losing that respect.

I posted a thread of apology in the Atom forums for going berserk, but will not be returning to it either way.

I've gone way too far without really thinking about the consequences. As such, I truly am a pathetic person who fails at life. And nothing I do will ever go right.

I hate myself.

[Qwertman]

Wow! You're so mellow on the Legends Forums I was a bit surprised. Your story reminded me of the following:


Ok, hopefully that made you laugh a little.
Just take a deep breath, and realize that all of this self hate and emotion is just stress. We get stressed over the silliest things, it's just the way we're conditioned in our competitive society. Everybody's got a different way of calming down and looking on the bright side. If I ever get disappointed in myself, I look at improving myself as a challenge and a fun goal. It's amazing how much your mood, health, and so many more aspects of your life can improve just by learning how to get rid of that stupid stress response to unimportant things like other people's opinions that we all have.

[Dr. Jerk]

That just made me feel worse.

The thing is, there have been several other forums where I had reacted in similar ways, and was banned for my immaturity, or otherwise hated. And I never seem to learn from these past mistakes. And while I have not yet been banned from that forum, I did notice that my apology thread was locked with no responses, so that's pretty much an indicator that I am no longer welcomed there anymore. Not like I would have returned there either way.

...I've always been my same old self. And this time I feel like this was one of my biggest screw ups.

[Trege]

I have a question why do you care what other people think so much on the Internet? there are different types of people and some won't agree with you no matter what you do no matter how much evidence there is some people are just stubborn like that don't hate yourself for it just learn to relax more and not get so angry I used to have some of the same issues on the Internet my run in with a grammar nazi board that would ban you for minor mistake such as miss using apostrophes or just forgetting capitalization I just ignored them and moved on and found a better place to hang out in, the point is not everyone will agree with you, and you should just relax more and not let it bother you.

[Dr. Jerk]

I guess it's that old saying then, "Internet, serious business."

It's not so much them anymore. Rather it's now towards myself.

[Trege]

You shouldn't dwell on the past it's never healthy to do that if what happened in the past bothers you then you should learn from that rather then hate yourself and dwell on it, and if you make the same mistake just try again until you get it right.

[HF]

@ Dr. Jerk: I too believe that the Internet is Serious Business.

But it can only be such if both sides are serious for similar reasons. Otherwise, it is just a war on words without context.

The internet has made communications and the ability to gather information much easier. But at the same time, perhaps it has made things too convenient for the fundamentally lazy. Because of this, context is easily lost.

With a shroud covering many social norms which restrict one's ability to express themselves, an individual has been given a huge degree of freedom to say whatever they want, whenever they want. Combining this with the previously mentioned 'fundamentally lazy' people, it has become the advent of cheap-talking smartassed "Keyboard warriors" who jump at any opportunity to stroke their ego by having others do it for them.

Keeping the 'real' values in mind, one has to learn when to stop caring for what others think and say (as much as it deconstructs what the social norm claims). Most (?) of the time, the online community as a whole is not worth taking seriously; people intentionally lie to derail other's understandings, lie about themselves and their lives, they openly mock and deface the beliefs and works of others, etc. All with the shroud of relative anonymity that provides you with the personal security that prevents any real backlash.

But that's fine; I do think it's good to be passionate about something. You 'want' something, you should do all kinds of things to achieve it. There's no set 'rule' or 'regulation' for these kinds of things except for what humans give themselves the illusion of to keep society from falling apart.

I know that this is a mixed message, but just use your time wisely as to not get too worked up on some crazy kid' you will (most likely) never meet.


Long story short: The time you take to prove yourself on the internet could have been used for being more productive (and I'm taking the time to type this post is to prove a point).

Speaking of productivity, I aim to post a new page of RMDL soon.

[Benjamin]

Take it from someone who as of late has been reminding myself where my priorities are: the internet is the internet. What we say will indeed show who were are, and at the same time the words themselves will be inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Be honest with yourself, and if you feel that you've done something wrong in some way, accept that not as a failing, but as a learning experience. As my grandpa said, "How do you get good judgment? Experience. How do you get experience? Bad judgement."

The fact that you're concerned about this means you're neither a big troll nor an immature brat; neither would have recognized any fault. You're just still learning, as we all are.

Also, Qwert, that image made my night XD

[Mikéy]

Good to see you liked it Benjamin. Qwert took it from xkcd without referencing it.

Jus sayin'.