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Post by aguy on Mar 16, 2011 16:57:58 GMT -5
I don't really know if this goes here, nor should I talk about it, but...I need some advice, but to save my hide I've got to bush-beat.
The basic situation is a really really close friend of mine and i are...disagreeing so much we're having to begin anew, and even then we can't agree what 'point' to restart at.
The last I can safely say is this friend is Female, and I'm Male, and we've been disagreeing for next to 2 years out of a three year 'mutual project'.
She says she needs some time, but we've got two friends who, despite my not wanting them involved, our 'fight' does severely effect these other two.
Really I need advice on how to comfort these other two, I'm not worried about my close Female pal, but I'm drastically worried about the other two, I can't just ask or tell them to 'don't get involved', but I just don't want them getting hurt by 'our' mistakes.
Can anyone give any form of advice, sympathy, kind words, etc...?
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Post by Dashe on Mar 16, 2011 17:04:05 GMT -5
This isn't your fiancee you're talking about, is it? :-\
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Post by Balthazar on Mar 16, 2011 17:09:25 GMT -5
Leave them cookies and beer and they'll be back to your house first next year.
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Post by aguy on Mar 16, 2011 17:21:27 GMT -5
Dashe, I'm not entitled to say who's who except myself, at least not in this situation
Balthazar, I don't understand your post.
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Post by HF on Mar 16, 2011 19:50:18 GMT -5
With this level of ambiguity, our 'advice' may just change the situation for the worse (humans don't work logically, for one).
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Post by Loken on Mar 16, 2011 22:05:10 GMT -5
No matter what if those two are your friends there is no way in the world they would not get involved. Really, if you guys end up uh...ending this project, you and her can't both be friends with with them, it just won't work, one of you will grow apart from them.
To comfort them I would just explain my point of view about the whole deal (I'm sure you already have) and tell them that I would always be their friend no matter what happened with her.
Beyond that there is not quite enough detail to give any good advice.
Good luck guy.
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Post by Avegodro on Mar 17, 2011 16:31:35 GMT -5
Would like to offer some advice but I'm not sure that would be a good idea.
I think what Loken said is best.
Good luck in this situation.
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Post by aguy on Mar 21, 2011 19:26:23 GMT -5
I can give more details now:
This one girl and i have...well been in a relationship for almost 3 years, the majority of the latter 2 were...not exactly acceptable. I'm gonna go and say, no matter what i do take half the blame for the fall out it is undergoing, whether or not i actually am half-responsible.
This girl and i are, very well 'mixed' with each other, we have very similar interest pools, though what differences there are are vast and major and tend to be our biggest interests.
However, she seems to be on a sheerly severe femdom run
(note: femdom merely is a term meaning female dominance)
She is also very soloistic, and blames other for "not being a team player".
Well, i visited with her at her place for a chance at a movie night and fullfill my promise to show her my progress on PKMN B/W, and, after the pokemon thing, instead of movies, all she really did was tell me about her new art collab and when her partner in the collab, whom lives in canada, came online, she then spent the rest of the night on a computer while i was stuck, bored and lonely, on a leather couch, and left to avoid an annoying 1-human-year old blue-healer/something else puppy who hates listening to humans.
(this was roughly 5-6pm)
About 1:50 am, she went to bed, no movies had been watched, i was also riddled with insomnia at this point. so i got on for 10-20 minutes to check messages like email and deviantart
about 6am i got a 2-hr nap, after waking, i check my messages once more, about 5-10 minutes later, she got up, and i was viewing a website of a fandom i like (not MM, but another game)
for about 5-7 minutes, she sat quietly before saying "not to kick-ya-off, but can i please have that?"
(at 'but can i' she got a harsh tone to her voice)
The things is, i'd dismiss it out of love it this were the only time, but for two year: any time i've been at her place or even in her company, she's paid more mind to others than to me, via computer, texting, or even other company members.
---Now why i had to be secretive: i had a guest over who could've 'notified someone to notify her'
here's the deal:
I told her i wanted to go back to just-friends (platonic for term-savvy people), she asked me if a meant i was dumpin her, i broke my words down and she said she wants to restart our relationship, and for me to think about that...
so i thought about it and i can't see how it's any diff other than 'what level to restart' so i let her know i thought about it but...she says she needs time...i gave her till tomorow originally, but plans changed and i let her know i'd like to talk today, but...i dont think she'll respond, she's been online for at least an hour, still talking to her canadian friend
I'd really like some advice....no matter how harsh, be honest MMLS!
previous:
Thanks everyone, I know there's not enough detail, and I do thank you all for bearing with my bush-beating.
Loken, as you said, I have explained to the two my side, and from what I see they play a neutral version 'both of you did things wrong but someone did something more wrong' however they seem to hide who they think was 'more wrong'.
To Avegodro, I understand and I thank you for trying to help!
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Post by Avegodro on Mar 21, 2011 19:54:44 GMT -5
Sorry a guy, ignore my mid-relapse weakness talking ealier.
This is a conundrum indeed, it seems like you two have become distant outside these pools of interest.
Is it like that all the time you two spending time together but seperate at the same time?
I dunno I guess and try to reconnect, seems like you two both are willing to try and restart the relationship.
Keep trying to get a response hopefully she will respond.
Hope it works out.
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Post by aguy on Mar 21, 2011 19:58:41 GMT -5
Well, Ave, i didnt quite catch your third line, but i will give this detail:
She lives 45 min to an hour north of me, traffic determines time.
However, the fact remain, no matter how far apart we live, we do set up times to visit each other, however, the past two years, each of these times has been like the time that prompted this thread.
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Post by Avegodro on Mar 21, 2011 20:15:03 GMT -5
Sorry thats what I meant, you being there with her but she just ignores you after a certain point.
Well it seems something changed between both of you two years ago. Any idea of what it could have been?
If so I'd try and get her to open up about it.
Heck wait for a good time and take her to go do something completely random. Maybe that would work.
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Post by aguy on Mar 21, 2011 20:30:32 GMT -5
I see, and yes, that does occur, every time, every single time.
No idea, if anything, it can be attributed to her being stuck surfing the web and us, at meeting being so simlar, she begins to think "hey i like the new interest maybe he will too" and when idont, she scorns me for hating it, even if i dont have bad feelings for the thing(example at bottom)
Yeah...that...was what this event was really...look how swell that turned out. however, i really cant get her out of her house without soemone else, we both dont drive, and rely on friends or parents for transport (we've both got a driving-disabling disorder)
---in referrence to the interest thing:
She likes an old-timey show, "beetlejuice", it's about some red-clad goth chick(i assume a witch), who summons some dead guy(Titular character) and they have odd adventures together, (very paranormal-themed, so she 'expected' me to like it because of how similar we were at meeting,
so she asks "what do you think of beetlejuice?"
----i reply honestly: "It's a gross show." (a very neutral reply)
she scolds me for 'attacking a show without trying it out' when i watched it back in the day just so i could watch other shows without giving up the TV, and yet she scorns my shows without giving them any chances
(wow huh?)
anyways, i should update: she's now signed off, no replies yet...
(there is a lot more to my needing a reply soon besides my change of plans btw)
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Post by Avegodro on Mar 21, 2011 20:49:10 GMT -5
All I can say a guy is keep trying.
I'm all out of ideas.........frak.
Hopefully someone else will step in and help.
I'll try and think of something else and come back.
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Post by aguy on Mar 21, 2011 20:54:52 GMT -5
Wow, Frak? you and only one other i know use that term, i know wha it replaces, but where did it originate? (PM that answer lol)
And i do understand being out of ideas, i myself am, save for one: reset to platonic level, it's really the only way to stay friends anymore. i guess what i need advice on: how do i cope with this...
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Post by Avegodro on Mar 21, 2011 21:40:35 GMT -5
How to cope........stay strong and keep at it. You love her so you just look at her or think of her and let the your love for her wash over you until it envelops your entire being.
You'll make it through this.
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