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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 13:30:38 GMT -5
Come on now, I TOLD you why I did that... Don't be sad.........it isn't that hard to read............they aren't visually distracting............................................. I'll change them..............
Lol
Also, Steffie, I didn't even know you were reading this! Very cool!
I personally read a few of your Teisel/Glyde fan fics. They remind me of my sister's, who is a staunch Remus/Sirius Shipper in the Harry Potter Universe...
Personally, I can't see Teisel being too much into that, based on games...
Glyde, however.... hahaha
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Post by Mikéy on Jul 7, 2011 16:33:53 GMT -5
Mikey put down his 3DS and sighed. "I'd have beaten Master Quest in under two days if it weren't for you!" lol? Anyway, despite all of the unfinished sentences in the first part, things did get rather colorful again with adjectives when Aero first enters their room. I wasn't a great big huge fan of the Roll/Parents scene, but not so bad as to not like it. I'm way more into ruin trekking and the history of the system. Page 11, second-to-last Paragraph: "How are you, Aero? I hope we didn't hurt you too badly!"Each chapter always ends at the worst of times. I was actually starting to enjoy myself. By the way, that second version of chapter 9 is your revision to patch up things to match canon characters, right?
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 18:23:30 GMT -5
the ruin trekking and system stuff comes later, you have to get through the character development to get to the action...
I think you are the first person to say they DON'T like the character development as much...
That wasn't actually the end of the chapter, that was just as far as I had gotten so far. Don't worry, the rest is coming. This is gonna be a pretty long chapter... But it's good though, I'm finally through the beginning of the story, and we are getting into the new adventures.
I'm a little sad that you guys are disappointed with the story right now... I don't know exactly how to fix it... It's just kind of a thing you have to go through to get to the other stuff... So just deal with it for the time being... It will get better.
Um, I don't know, I'm a little sad right now... I'll just keep writing, I'll have the chapter finished soon...
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Post by Mikéy on Jul 7, 2011 18:30:30 GMT -5
but not so bad as to not like it. Meaning: I wasn't a huge fan of it, but I still liked it. The story itself isn't bad, it's great. I'm not sure why you're taking the opinions negatively. Maybe a little poke here and there with corrections and criticism is making you feel like you're imperfect. It's an artist thing. They always worry about their work not being good enough, when in reality, they're a little afraid of opinions. I didn't mean to discourage you, if that's the case. Keep doing what you're doing! If you have reasoning against Dashe's Evil-English-Teacher-Skillz, then go against her.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 18:46:46 GMT -5
eh... I guess it's just cause I spent all day writing this chapter, and now all I'm hearing are bad things about it. Well not bad... It's not really what I meant.... more like, discouraging, because it means I'm not paying attention to stuff... or that now that it's passed the get Megaman down phase, people are gonna be more confused and whatnot.... I don't know... We will see.
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Post by Dashe on Jul 7, 2011 19:01:13 GMT -5
I liked the plot. It's just that all the ellipses got in the way of its delivery. If you make a conscious effort to cut back on them, everything would run that much more smoothly. And, as I said before (I think), all the ellipses really cut back the characterization you put so much into in the earlier chapters. It makes everyone just seem really unsure of themselves.
If I genuinely didn't like your work, or didn't see any potential in it, I wouldn't have commented in the first place.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 21:34:15 GMT -5
Ok... sooo... I wasted the whole day doing this... I'm a little upset about it hahaha but yeah, tell me if it feels rushed at the end, and if everything is at least cohesive. Tell me what you would rather have seen, Everything just kind of came pouring out, and I think maybe this was my least favorite chapter to write so far... Please help me improve it... Or if it doesn't need it, let me know haha there are a few errors that I've already corrected, just random spelling errors and stuff... But the very end, the last paragraph, may actually be in the next chapter. It's a bit of a teaser for the NEXT chapter... And why Teisel is going to save everything again! hahaha Attachments:
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Post by Dashe on Jul 7, 2011 23:18:10 GMT -5
Good old Teisel...he never lets you down, eh? Looks like Mikey's gonna get his action scenes! Here's the beta'd version as requested. I condensed some redundant lines, but mostly fixed the pacing for the new stuff and edited the typos and grammar flubs. Attachments:
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 8, 2011 7:19:14 GMT -5
Any good? I'm thinking that it may be better separated into two chapters. I think a lot happens all at once at the end, and it may be confusing. I think I was just getting sick of writing at that point. I'm not sure it came out at all how I wanted it to... I'll need to think about it. Give me some reviews on what you guys r thinking. This was just a hard chapter to write for some reason...
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2011 7:48:59 GMT -5
I really liked this chapter a lot.
While I could understand why Banner would want Roll to be safe and sound; by selling the Flutter and her skills could bring in money. But, wanting MegaMan out of her life is extremely harsh. I would love to see what happens next. I have a funny feeling that Mr. Red has something to with it.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 8, 2011 10:45:41 GMT -5
The next chapter will be fun. The first part is gonna explain what the heck just happened, as it seemed to just completely spiral out of control quickly, but you are gonna find out what got everything in motion, and then we are gonna get a pretty spectacular Bonne moment.
Finally we are gonna start getting into MML 3! This next chapter will be fun. I re read this, and it seems cohesive, if a little out of left field. You'll see why I did it when I get it all in reds point of view in the next chapter. I'm surprised at how much I wanna punch him haha.
Unfortunately I have to go fix stuff of ff.net. I just posted it cause I wanted to get people posting on there, but there are lots of spelling errors. I'm gonna post up dashe's beta version... She's really doing an awesome job. I'd love to tell her about my overall plans, but I guess I don't want to spoil it for anyone... I'm still somewhat leary on this chapter. It's important, but is just really set up to the next chapter.
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Post by Dashe on Jul 8, 2011 10:53:58 GMT -5
Yeah, don't tell me anything. I beta best when I'm just reading it through the first time. That's when I get the best, freshest sense of your pacing (though that could pretty much go for anyone reading it). Though it might not be a bad idea to run it through a gamma afterward.
Out of left field is good. That means the chances of it being different than what Capcom has planned are high. And, as someone who's read no less than a dozen prologues about worlds covered by endless water, I've found that the more you wind up straying from Capcom's plan, the better the story usually ends up. Like HF's DASH1 comic, which I recommend highly.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 8, 2011 11:14:54 GMT -5
Oh, for sure. From here, I doubt I'll be anywhere close to the real mml3. I wasn't really trying to make a story guessing what mml3 was going to be, but make a story that connects them all. Personally I wish Capcom would do something like that, but that would never happen. At least it would clear everything up, you know? I can't wait to get to that, it's coming soon... So what were your thoughts?
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Post by Mikéy on Jul 8, 2011 11:39:36 GMT -5
From the hospital escape to the classic Teisel moments, all the way up to Tron's mushy feelings; I really do love this chapter, now that it's complete. I'm being harassed a bit more about college, so it may affect my ability to keep up to speed on things, but so far, things are looking really awesome! Granted, the version I just read was Dashe's, so I'm not sure how many errors or ellipses were present, but they were majorly cut down-to-size. Can't wait for the next one!
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Post by Dashe on Jul 8, 2011 15:23:53 GMT -5
My thoughts usually wind up like something out of Spock's mind when it comes to reviewing fanfiction. They would probably be of little use to you, since your most recent updates have been somewhat sporadic and you haven't really got a projected end chapter yet. My expertise lies mainly in predicting completion dates, picking out grammar mistakes, and telling writers and artists to submit to the main site's archives. So I guess my thoughts would be "maintain your current course of action," as well as "I want a cherry Italian Ice." The latter is irrelevant to writing, though, and probably should have been omitted.
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