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Post by Mikéy on Apr 23, 2011 2:13:03 GMT -5
WHEW I finally got through that Great-Wall-of-China worth of text that you call "short". Granted it's all in a hospital setting, but so much happens at once, it's pretty awesome. As usual, I don't have grievances for any of the content, and I understand why you thought it was short; the way it cuts off just as Megaman awakens. :12: Anyway, hopefully you won't keep us... (most likely being Dashe and me) waiting as long for the next chapter.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Apr 23, 2011 22:52:33 GMT -5
I figured I should post what I have written as soon as I write it, that way you can beta read before its finished, and get me to explain stuff how you want it to be while I'm doing it... This is what I have so far in the next chapter... also, I retconned chapter 8 slightly, I just made aeros parents alive and that she fought with them and ran away, cause I would have figured they would be dead in mml3, but apparently they aren't... barrett will come in a later chapter, most likely Attachments:
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Post by Dashe on Apr 25, 2011 15:48:49 GMT -5
"Teisel put his head hin his hands..."? "little group of seventeen years old..."? Mikey, have you actually been beta reading this? I'm not too fond of retconning to conform to what Capcom's been coming up with regarding Legends 3, personally. It's fanfiction, after all. There's a chance that they could potentially jump in before you're finished and totally upheave everything you've read with one update. I also like the differences--if it wound up getting consistently retconned based on the stuff Eguchi and company reveal, then why even write it if, in the end, it's just going to be the same Legends 3 Capcom wrote? I wouldn't concern myself so much with what they're revealing in the devroom as far as your fic goes. It seems like it could be harder to deal with later on if you focus too much on what's actually being revealed as canon.
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Post by Mikéy on Apr 25, 2011 17:04:05 GMT -5
What the heck. I haven't even commented on Chapter 9 yet anyway! I don't need this! :15:
Page 7 “Megaman, I know that whatever this is is important, so don’t say anything that doesn’t need to be said, alright? We know what we are doing…”
^ (whatever this is, it's important,)
That's the only other error I found. I could go into DEEP depth concerning commas and semicolons, but I suppose it's best if I don't...
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on May 2, 2011 3:05:03 GMT -5
uh....
umm....
I can explain... I... uh.....
(Suck at proofreading)
Actually... I just didn't really do it... I usually end up finishing the chapters at like four in the morning, so I'm usually just thinking about posting it and just letting it go... most of the time, it's just a random letter or a word out of place that takes about a tenth of a second to think about what it actually was SUPPOSED to say, but yeah, I hate doing that... just reading your quotes is making me feel like an idiot...
And as for the whole retcon thing, I'm not planning on changing it after a while, right now it's just in the part that everyone KNOWS will happen... That trigger's gonna come back down...
(Ok, we don't know that for sure... but I'm just betting on it lol...)
That said, I'm not planning on changing it as new stuff comes out... Most likely I won't look at the devroom again for a few months just like a I did this last time... I just got so excited I wanted to include it in the story lol
I'll control my urges better next time hahaha
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2011 11:44:24 GMT -5
I'm busy reading the chapters; and I really enjoyed the story so far. I really find it refreshing that the reunion wasn't mushy, but full of action instead. I also enjoyed the inclusion of familar faces, like Ira. I'm looking forward to the new chapters
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jun 3, 2011 23:02:59 GMT -5
Yeah... so... uh... I'm really just doing this for me now... but for any of you who still care lol Attachments:
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Post by spacecaptanface on Jun 28, 2011 16:32:24 GMT -5
So far I've only read the first two segments of your story, but from what I've seen so far I can honestly tell that you demonstrate some truly exquisite writing skills. I've been away from the site for awhile, otherwise I would have commented much earlier, but at least I can tell you now that this is an exceptional piece of work that you should definitely continue. I'm definitely gonna keep reading. Just don't think however that I stole any of your ideas in case you end up reading my own work (that I'm finally starting again) and see some things that are slightly similar.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 6, 2011 23:54:09 GMT -5
Haha, who cares? The way I see it, if people think that the idea is good enough that it makes it into their own personal stories, or even their own personal CANON... Score one for me lol... It's not like I have a copyright... I mean, I guess posting it on fanfiction.net and here is enough, so I'll know the truth... plus, the more people who read it, the better... Maybe I'll get Capcom to change their story!! HAHAHA Also, sorry about the gaps in between updates... I am currently walking through straight hell with school right now. I'm busy studying like, 24/7. But I seriously think about this story daily, so don't worry... I am not planning on giving up on this story at all. In fact, even though the chapter isn't done, I'm gonna go ahead and post what I have now, so that you guys can beta read what I have so far, and I'll continue on and hopefully actually have a finished, edited product before I post it all! First time ever!! haha Attachments:
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Post by Dashe on Jul 7, 2011 2:18:25 GMT -5
I'm not usually too harsh when it comes to reading fanfiction, but you've been doing so well so far that I can't help myself. There are way, way, WAAAAY too many ellipses in this chapter. They slowed the pacing of the narration so much that I could not read it. Most of those instances of ellipses really ought to just be flat out sentences. Any more ellipse abuse and I'll have to call the grammar police and process its restraining order. Everything you write will progress so much more quickly if you use them sparingly. Up until now your characterization was solid, but this time around everyone just sounded really indecisive because they never actually finished their sentences. If you only use them occasionally, it'll make your dramatic pauses so much more dramatic. Shorter pauses don't call for ellipses. They call for periods and commas. You should also never put a space after an ellipse. They aren't like normal periods. You shouldn''t capitalize letters after an ellipse either, unless the word that follows is a proper noun or an acronym. An ellipse isn't a way to end a sentence--when you do end a sentence in an ellipse, you're essentially leaving it unfinished. Having a whole chapter of unfinished sentences... ...catch my drift? Ellipses also should not end a sentence where you're indicating that someone's just had (or is about to have) some dialogue, and should never precede dialogue, either. Here's an example: Wrong"Wow, this artifact is so...mysterious." Dashe said as she stared at the pulsating rock... Right"Wow, this artifact is so...mysterious." Dashe said as she stared at the pulsating rock. WrongMikey put down his 3DS and sighed... "I'd have beaten Master Quest in under two days if it weren't for you!" RightMikey put down his 3DS and sighed. "I'd have beaten Master Quest in under two days if it weren't for you!" The section with Aero and Red, however, hardly suffered from ellipse abuse at all compared with every other part in the draft. I found the rest so unreadably slow that I went in and fixed all of the ellipse abuse. I know you can do better...just save your ellipses for the parts that genuinely call for them. Attachments:
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 11:38:48 GMT -5
No, I know exactly what you mean!! Isn't it freaking annoying?! I don't do that because it's me screwing up my writing style and doing worse. I did it on purpose.
The reason being because when you are reading it as a document file, it has way too many, BUT when you read it on fanfiction.net, the entire story is shoved together and the entire structure is destroyed, and the pauses are necessary so that your eye can catch up with the idea before you get shoved into the next sentence due to ff.nt's formatting. I was just reading my story one day and it felt so rushed and the characters so smashed together that I had to do something. But I guess reading it now its fine. I just read really fast, and when I do that some of the impact is lost if I don't separate the emotions characters are feeling. But no, I totally get it. It's ridiculous and should be saved for proper times, so I'll just stop. It was something I was experimenting with when I was writing, but it doesn't really do anything but be visually distracting. Also, grammar and spelling errors just come from me usually writing this a 4 in the morning haha. Thank you dashe, even though you did make me feel kind of stupid haha
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Post by Dashe on Jul 7, 2011 12:29:32 GMT -5
Don't worry, that's about how I feel whenever I try to understand anything tech-related. If I had a teaching certification I could one day become that English teacher everyone's deathly afraid of. It's a good idea to get a fresh audience to beta read for stuff like this. Losing track of your pacing is all too easy when you're staring at the same stuff for hours. I also tend to sound like a jackass at two in the morning, but lucky for you Capcom got the brunt of it for taking DASH 3 off of the main site. :-\ You know fiction submissions are open for the legends-station.com archive, right? Writers are totally allowed to submit chapter-by-chapter as they write them. It could expose your fic to Legends fans who browse the main site often, but not the forums. Your stuff's generally better than a lot of the fics in the archive already.
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Post by Typhon Purifier 89 on Jul 7, 2011 12:47:15 GMT -5
Generally better?
Haha, thanks for the vote of encouragement.
Do I detect a faint hint that you aren't liking the story as much anymore? haha
As for the posting on the station, I thought I had to be invited to do that, or someone that runs the site takes the story and does it, I didn't think I can just add stuff to it.
Hmmm... it would be interesting to put it up there too, cause a lot of people come to this site from the devroom... That would be a tailored audience, instead of ff.net, which really has stories running all over the place... In fact, I found out yesterday that most recent update to a MML fanfic on that site besides mine was actually SpaceCaptanFace's story! In 2008! haha
I also commented on the first part of your story as well, SCF...
Love to see how you incorporate elements similar to my story. Hopefully you do it better than me...
Also, did you notice how emerald8 seems to be a complete jerk, telling everyone to basically stop writing Legends fics, and that his it the only good one, and him freaking out on every fic, seeing if it was "copying" him?
What a dingus... Good thing it looks like he stopped writing, like, 4000 years ago haha
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2011 12:57:51 GMT -5
Really good chapter so far. It had a couple of mistakes, which Dashe had pointed out already.
Anyways, keep writing; and keep up with the great work.
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Post by Dashe on Jul 7, 2011 12:58:39 GMT -5
Generally as in "when you're not going nuts with ellipses, it's better." Plus, Aarond is pretty damn hard to beat, if you've ever read any of his stuff. Thankfully for you and SpaceCaptanFace, he never did a take on the 'Return from Elysium' scenario. And no, there's no invitation process. Anyone with a pulse and a Legends story can submit...which you can probably infer from just looking at some of the submissions. There's a particularly ridiculous get-MegaMan-back-from-Elysium tale about Roll getting really fat. Same deal with fanart, same deal with Sky Pirate Arcade, and same deal with the Interactive Story (which has been stagnating since 2004). Man, I -told- fAB it would be a good idea to remind the masses that you didn't need a special invite!
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