Fanfiction Reviews: Anima style!

[Anima]

Alrighty, I have something for y'all out there!
FANFICTION REVIEWS!

Let's start with this motha :F9:a! Dis one.
It's also on deviantART. <Chapter 3 is incoplete.

So what do I have to say about this fanfiction, even though it's been incomplete since 2007?

I say, pretty bad.

The fanfic is supposed to take place in 'SD Gundam Force' [some of you may know what I'm talking about. if not, look it up on YouTube], but it takes elements heavily from other series, mostly Disney movies and 'cult series' *coughHighSchoolMusicalcough* no offense to fans like those out there.

In the prologue, we see a mysterious woman being chased by monsters that resemble an innocent girl and a 'harmless' robot. She finds herself in an open field, and sets her child 'Evealine' near a fencepost, and fends off the monsters.
Apparently the woman also had a son that was changed into an 'immortal frog'.

After the fight [due to the creatures running off, cowardly move I must say], the woman returns to her home dimension.
Wouldn't her home dimension be in ruins/in a war if the monsters were after her? I mean think about it.

Eventually, a farmer [Ichabod McDonald] finds the lone baby by the fencepost and takes her in. Though the wife [Dorothy McDonald] objects, by the power of 'that pretty bright red hair, & those beautiful sapphire-blue eyes', she agrees to keep the baby, but only after they find a name for her.
And rickety split, a necklace with an onyx charm pops out of the baby's blanket, and it has four symbols engraved on the back, which the family mistakes for the child's name.

12 years later, we see the same girl, under the name of Sami McDonald, moved to the city of Neotopia. Apparently, by word-of-mouth from Sayla, via. her penpal Cris, Shute learns that new neighbors will be moving in, and almost immediately after Sami steps off that train, he is entranced by her appearance.

[Those of you lazy to read the whole fanfic (I don't blame on that, really), here's what the writer described. WARNING, it WILL make your brain eat itself.)
She was an young girl, fairly sized, I might add, kinda like Shute, & about probably Shute's age. She had sappire-blue colored eyes; light-tan colored skin with a freckled-bleached face; & bright-red colored hair that was worn in a ponytail, but it had some side bangs flowing down the right side of her face, & on the top of her head there was some brown colored highlights that gave it a stawberry-blondish look. She wore a pair of long denim-blue jeans that go the way down to just past her ankles, with big bright deep red colored panels on the lower legs; a navy-blue denim shirt worn over a bright-orange tank-top; a pair of old worn out white & light-blue sneakers, with a pair of pure white footy socks (although Shute didn't know that at the moment); & around her neck, was a silver-framed onyx charm on a silver chain necklace. To Shute, she was beautiful!
^{^Actual text straight from the story.}

Was that enough to make your eyes bleed from strain? No? Then you got 'balls of steel'. I'm sorry I had to say that.

If any of you had ever followed the show, Fenn, currently in the fic, is in his puffball state, yet Sami immediately identifies the little guy as a dragon. HOW?!

Not only that, the peice of fiction follows in the show's embedded footsteps, repeating every detail from Episode one AND two, but from Sami's point-of-view, AND with Sami as the 'hero'.

For a TL;DR scenario from the fan-story, she finds out she has powers and puts them to use. Later on she makes a superhero's costume and saves the day once again! But this time under the alias of 'Charm Kid'.
If you wanna read all of Sami's bio, you better have a strong heart and click this...

And Shute mistakes her for a boy. How lame...

Not only that, the writer, in almost all of this story, has ONE section of SINGING put in it. Totally an idea ripped from High School Musical...

And the title. Winds & Rains? What does it have to do with that? It's not mentioned in the story AT ALL!

Also I'm guessing some sort of 'Dramatic Scene' was gonna happen in Chapter 3, where her secret identity is blown. oh god, I am GLAD she is dead from the net...

So what do I think of this FanFiction? it's bad.
hell it's so bad, it doesn't deserve to be put in a shredder in an editor's office!

Overall rating for this story: 1/10, 1/5.

You guys got different opinions, so make them voiced if you want, kay?

[Loken]

I'm not real familiar to the series, yeah it's not that good, fundamentally flawed. If I wrote something would you review it?

[Anima]

Sure, I wouldn't mind.

[Loken]

I got this idea of a story and I need extra practice for my literature class.

[Anima]

Just send it to me via. PM.

[Loken]

I'll probably post it in the art forum.

[Alison]

*Only read the first part of the fanfiction. too long and to lazy to read the rest.*

Yeesh..., that IS pretty bad... does look like something out of High School Musical!

I used to be a fan of that series, but I got out of it since 3, so no offense going on here!

But I have a good tip for this author: GET SOME SPELLING LESSONS!!!
I mean seriously! 'Stawberry'?! It's 'STRAWberry'.
'Sappire' 'SAPPHire'!!!
And STOP ABUSING THE & SYMBOL!!! D< She's to lazy to spell 'and'?!

I can re-write the introduction so it's not a whole book'sworth!

For example:
'She was a young girl, fairly decent build, somewhat like Shute, and was about his age as well. She had dark blue eyes, light colored skin with freckles on her face, and reddish blonde hair tied into a pony tail. She had on, denim blue jeans with red coloring on the lower legs, a navy blue denim jacket over a bright orange shirt, worn out white-blue sneakers, and an onyx charm around her neck.'

HA! I came up with something better!

Over all rating from me: 2/10. Good start, but it did indeed go into redundancy with the plot. Plus the typoes. AND the fact the singing was pointless. And a fawn??
Was it abandoned by the mother? Or did the mama deer die and Sami's dad take it in? She doesn't explain it AT ALL!!! SHEESH!!
Yeah, looked up 'SD Gundam Force' on YouTube, and I see what you mean now!

.....L.O.L. WIlbur....

[Anima]

Dec 17, 2010 18:29:26 GMT -5 Alison said:

.....L.O.L. WIlbur....

I was laughing too when she said that.
I think she took the name from 'Charlotte's Web',
Where the pig's name was Wilbur.

Unoriginal, right?