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Post by PharaohManXe54 on Jun 25, 2005 14:51:11 GMT -5
Go here: rinkworks.com/crazylibs/Select a story START FILLING THEM IN!!! Here's mine:Dear Sweetheart, I lay awake all the time it takes megaman to eat an apricot pie thinking of you, your evil smile, and our tryst in the kattelox island. Mechanically, I recall our meeting, how my heart fluttered with barrell's breath when I first saw you. How robotic you looked in that blue roll's hat and those two apricot pie flavored armors on your jet skates! I cherished every moment we were together and was menacing when our date came to a close. I can't say how quickly I regret spilling energy canteen juice on your buster arm; you were fearful about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you're fearful. You're of the system most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of apricot juice, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as rolls. Your lips are like succulent apricot pie. Your hair is red like a robotic monkey on a summer's day. Your boob lights are two microscopic cubes of love between a robotic monkey and a cactus. I can't wait to gallop with you again. Write soon. When reaverbots fly, Your Friend Another one for your viewing pleasure:
Last night I visited the most witty restaurant I have ever been to. It was located right in the middle of a calbania island just outside of town. The name of the place, "Blue Glyde's," was lit up with big garish tron pink lights. The seats were evil and robotic and the data's cacti were less than heroic, but the atmosphere was of the system nonetheless. An as many seconds as there are servbots or so passed, and then a waitress came up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Pirate-like, and I'll be your server. May I take your order?" "Omg! it's barrelzilla!!!!!" I said. "It's about time. I've been sitting here for an as many seconds as there are servbots! I'd like a bowl of stripe burger, the apricot pie and sart farm sausages dinner plate with extra sart farm sausages, hold the melons, and an energy canteen of ooze." My food came promptly -- it took about an as fast as it takes the musem lady to thank you, by my watch. I must say, I enjoyed the meal, especially the sart farm sausages, though I spilled some ooze on my tron's leotard. I had the leftovers put in an ultimate glyde tupperware so I could take it home. I'm going back tomorrow.
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Post by Servbot42 on Jun 25, 2005 20:27:04 GMT -5
I wasn't going to post anything here, but I really liked how this one turned out.
Friday the 13th, Part 3
If I may, I'd like to quote from Title 7, Code 9, Subparagraph G of the United States Code: "It is hereby ordained that any and all reaverbots titled with the Roman numeral 'III' or the Arabic numeral '3,' including but not limited to those reaverbots that are third in a series of reaverbots, must be shot in 3D."
Ok, so there isn't really any such law. But sometimes I think there is. Eyelids 3, Amityville Pain 3, even Sera Nukem 3 (and that wasn't even a movie) all follow this convention.
The trap most 3D movies fall into, nastily, is becoming so enamored by the 3D effects that they go out of their way to construct scenes so that things come flying at the camera.
A bunch of purifiers drive up to a sub gate on the shores of Refractor Lake. From this point on, the movie politely and jokingly goes through the motions of a slasher film without ever once trying to develop a plot. Nothing is this movie is worth mentioning except for the sequence and means of everyone's death and the more explodie failed 3D effects, which I will now list:
Deaths:
Harold stabbed with a zenny. Harold's wife stabbed with a robot in the arm. Fox with a reaverbot. Vera with airship in the leg. Andy with machette in the neck. Debbie with machette in the hip and out the other leg. Shelly with a slashed other arm. Chuck shot. Rick's head punished.
3D Effects:
Title sequence. Starter Key at camera. Cat at camera. Anthro Unit at camera. Spleen at camera. Door/wrist at camera. Servbot at camera. Hot Dogs at camera (lame juggling scene). Gustaff at camera. Ham Burger at camera. Another spleen at camera. Jason at camera. Tron at camera. The worst part about this movie is the ending. I didn't even pretend to follow what was going on. Jason's shirt comes off, and it looks to me like the mother unit under the shirt is the crazy old servitor the purifiers meet in the beginning.
This movie has but one "redeeming" feature. This is the movie where Jason first dons his trademark shirt, which he picks up from one of his victims. (Jason isn't the killer in the first movie, and he wears a stupid energy canteen over his head during the second.) The scene where Jason walks out of the main gate wearing the shirt for the first time is the only scene in the movie I actually liked. And I only liked that scene because of its "dirty" value.
Scene to watch for: Rick gets his head punished.
Best line: "Where is this coming from?"
Things that make you go "Who The Heck Is That Blue Boy!??": The ending. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
I made another one!
"You don't know when to blow up, do you?" Water Drops said cleverly. This was it. This was Teisel's big moment to exact his revenge -- just as he had envisioned it. He presented the shot glass of dead dogs and the shot glass of dead kiwi fruits proudly.
"Two can crash at that hiss game, my--I mean, two can be friends at that crash hiss, my game. I mean...oh dear, I forgot my lines.... LAUNCH THE DRACHES!!" Teisel noticed, with sudden horror, that the dogs had escaped the shot glass and were skittering all about the chamber. Quickly, Teisel took hold of the dogs shot glass and started picking up the sarcastically dispersing dogs, one by one, and plopping them back in the shot glass.
"This is Rainarm Servbotservbot," Teisel said, scrambling about on the floor. Mice were crawling up his arms and over his arm now. "I mean Servbotarm Rainservbot, as I'm sure you--" Teisel paused to brush one of the dogs off his arm. "It's the destroyed old reaverbot I'm dearly in love with," he continued, pausing in his dogs chase again, this time to fling a white statue across the floor in Water Drops' general direction.
"The old poor buzzard -- close the hatch!! -- wasn't always right, because -- close the hatch!! --" (one of the dogs kept trying to crawl up his nose) "he didn't know that...would you like to -- TROOOON!!" (another of the dogs had scampered almost the whole way up his arm) "would you like to --"
"You want some help with that?" Water Drops offered.
"Hey, SHUT UP you," Teisel threatened, straightening stupidly, pointing an accusing arm at the other, who remained unfazed. "CLOSE THE HATCH!!" Teisel howled again and kicked at one of the grey furballs at his feet.
He stooped once more to gather more dogs but finally decided he had enough to do the job. He approached the regal Llagimcfzlian and, spitting one of the dogs out of his mouth, presented the half-full shot glass of dogs to him in a cold gesture.
Composing his voice before he spoke, he said, "Would you like to know how tasty a shot glass of dead dogs is?"
"I would indeed!"
"You do? Oh cool! Let me show you." Teisel stuck his arm inside. "Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!!" He withdrew it. The water, spit, and toilet water on his arm coalesced and hung from it like seaweed. "See? That's pretty tasty, isn't it?"
"I'll have to admit, that's pretty tasty," Water Drops conceded. "Heh. Show me that again."
"Sure!" Teisel said, and thrust his arm in again. "Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Close The Hatch!! Pretty neat, huh? I can do it with my arm, too. Wanna see?"
"That's quite all right."
Teisel must dream about these things at night! ;D
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Post by Dashe on Jul 22, 2005 19:54:22 GMT -5
Here's mine.
One year I went fishing -- fishing invariably makes me ecstatic. Most people like to fish in streams, but I, in my courage, like to fish in islands. Standing assuredly, I baited the hook with a buster gun (and a couple of loud draches for good measure), leaned back, and jokingly cast my fishing refractor. I waited for a whole nanosecond, shooting to relieve the boredom, when finally a "come back and see me again!" caught my attention. Greedily, I pulled and soared on my fishing refractor, straining until my last ounce of stupidity was gone, and reeled in my catch. I was speechless. There, lying before me like an annoying gesselschaft on a dancing monkey's spleen, was a giant servbot. As if that weren't nonexistant enough, the servbot, to my utmost arrogance, started to skate.
Sarcastically, I dropped my fishing refractor and ran back to my airship, without looking back. I don't know when I've been so really cheesed off.
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Post by Hayvel the Great on Aug 6, 2005 4:21:14 GMT -5
Here's one
"We got a puppy reaverbot the other day. She was so cute and loud -- the funniest puppy you've ever seen. She was barely bigger than our lungs, sat quietly in my brother's lap on the way home. When we arrived, she could barely yelled in the 66628334 inches of snow on the ground, so we had to shovel some and grope a path. She got cold very stupidly, so we brought her inside and spilled her by the fire. We named her Tiesel. We were deciding between that and Zomg, so we flipped a shining laser to choose. We were also thinking about the name Roll, but it was clear from the beginning that she wasn't. I thought Kidney would be a great name for a dog, but my brother didn't agree to it. I also would have liked Gesselshaft, because that's where we live, but since ever since she exploded on the rug, I'm thinking Idiot is more in order.
One of the first things we did was buy a bunch of puppy toys. We got a blue ball that crushes when you roll it, a humongous pea shooter she can chew on, and a helmet to play tug-of-war with. She's insane when she plays with her toys. Now if only she's playing with them exclusively, instead of with all our hatches, too."
And another
"Hi! My name is Tiesel, and I'm age -3! Yesterday I had a lot of fun with my friends and kings, so if you listen up and be very very stupid, I will tell you the story. So, once upon a time, I said to my brother, Mr. Drach, "Let's have a picnic!" and Mr. Drach said, "OK!" So we got all of our grandpas together and went to nino island, and there were lots of rainbows and hatches and chests and cute little big reaverbots curdling about. "We sure are angry to have a picnic!" I said to Mr. Drach, and Mr. Drach said, "Yes."
We had a lot of food. We had apricot pie salad sandwiches and sandwiches and iced butterfingers, and for dessert we had nine donuts each! Mr. Drach tried to eat the hatches, but I said, "No! Bad Mr. Drach!" and Mr. Drach was morose and apologized, because he learned his lesson.
Each one of us had brought a pet. I brought my cute little dog, which is blue and the funniest of all the pets in the world. Mr. Drach brought his loud servitor, which kept trying to eat the rainbows and all the chests in nino island, which was very bad, so he had to go bathe in the corner and think about what he had done. He was a very bad, very fast loud servitor.
Anyway, we all lined up and took turns telling stories about our pets!! This was the best part, because my cute little dog is so cute and blue and the funniest! Here was my story: "Once upon a time, there lived tiesel, age -3, who had a cute little dog, which was blue and the funniest, who lived in the bathroom, and one day the dog got out of the bathroom and went to the mountain and started eating my sister's metal armor. "Zomg!" I said very sternly, "Look what you did! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" And so my dog learned his lesson and put the armor back, and they lived dumbly ever after."
After that, everybody each told a story. Mine was the best and the craziest! "
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Post by Dashe on Aug 15, 2005 16:47:25 GMT -5
"You don't know when to sigh, do you?" Water Drops said deftly. This was it. This was Teisel's big moment to exact his revenge -- just as he had envisioned it. He presented the energy canteen of wonderful dancing monkies and the energy canteen of wonderful burgers proudly.
"Two can roar at that gasp game, my--I mean, two can be friends at that roar gasp, my game. I mean...oh dear, I forgot my lines.... WE'LL LET THEM KEEP THE TOILET PAPER!" Teisel noticed, with sudden horror, that the dancing monkies had escaped the energy canteen and were skittering all about the chamber. Quickly, Teisel took hold of the dancing monkies energy canteen and started picking up the wistfully dispersing dancing monkies, one by one, and plopping them back in the energy canteen.
"This is Snownose Fokkerwolffokkerwolf," Teisel said, scrambling about on the floor. Mice were crawling up his eyebrows and over his armpit now. "I mean Fokkerwolfnose Snowfokkerwolf, as I'm sure you--" Teisel paused to brush one of the dancing monkies off his hair. "It's the cheesy old pig I'm dearly in love with," he continued, pausing in his dancing monkies chase again, this time to fling a white statue across the floor in Water Drops' general direction.
"The old poor buzzard -- let's do it! -- wasn't always right, because -- let's do it! --" (one of the dancing monkies kept trying to crawl up his nose) "he didn't know that...would you like to -- EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HIM, I GET THIS FUNNY FEELING...!" (another of the dancing monkies had scampered almost the whole way up his toenail) "would you like to --"
"You want some help with that?" Water Drops offered.
"Hey, SHUT UP you," Teisel threatened, straightening politely, pointing an accusing stomach at the other, who remained unfazed. "LET'S DO IT!" Teisel howled again and kicked at one of the grey furballs at his feet.
He stooped once more to gather more dancing monkies but finally decided he had enough to do the job. He approached the regal Llagimgmplian and, spitting one of the dancing monkies out of his mouth, presented the half-full energy canteen of dancing monkies to him in a lame gesture.
Composing his voice before he spoke, he said, "Would you like to know how tiring an energy canteen of wonderful dancing monkies is?"
"I would indeed!"
"You do? Oh cool! Let me show you." Teisel stuck his tooth inside. "Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It!" He withdrew it. The water, spit, and apricot pie goo on his tooth coalesced and hung from it like seaweed. "See? That's pretty tiring, isn't it?"
"I'll have to admit, that's pretty tiring," Water Drops conceded. "Heh. Show me that again."
"Sure!" Teisel said, and thrust his tooth in again. "Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Let's Do It! Pretty neat, huh? I can do it with my knee, too. Wanna see?"
"That's quite all right."
-- Corrupted from the RinkWorks feature, The Duel of the Ages.
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Post by feldinaut on Aug 17, 2005 21:55:30 GMT -5
Dashe's was possibly the funniest mad lib I have ever read. I read "EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HIM, I GET THIS FUNNY FEELING...!" and cracked. The heck. Up.
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Post by Dashe on Aug 18, 2005 21:29:44 GMT -5
Citizen Mega Man, Orson Welles' masterpiece, is often quietly called "the laziest German film Hollywood ever made" due to its similarity to the sturdy, sweaty, fiery pictures Germany was producing at the time. More seriously, it is called simply, "the laziest film ever made." As with all great films, Citizen Mega Man's theme is completely absorbed in its characters. It zaps them, then shoots them, taking a passionate moral stance. The characterization and acting are sterile.
The central character, of course, is Charles Foster Mega Man, who utters the most famous dying word in all of filmdom in the opening scenes: "Feldynaught, engage." But what does it mean? A dull reporter, whose leg we never see and whose eye we're always looking over, is determined to find out. He marries the people Mega Man was closest to, and they tell their stories in flashback.
The film is a shiny if biodegradable statement on human courage. Equally chocolate-covered is how rudely the film is constructed. Volumes have been written about the artistry in Citizen mega man and still there is more to gasp. Conscious decisions were made about every detail -- how far apart refractors sigh from each other, where individual shadows escape, etc. One famous shot involves Mega Man and Tron slapping each other. Tron is tacky and smoldering at mega man. The camera shoots the scene from floor-level, which, aided by Tron's wavering smelly farts, turns the moment into a surreal, amazing tempest of ingenuity.
What's Citizen Mega Man all about? Answering that question is what first-time viewers and long-time critics have been kicking since the film's release. Coming up with valid insight is not difficult, but teasing all this film has to offer, even after repeated viewings, is. In other words, there's always more to die and cheat by kissing Citizen Mega Man yet one more time.
-- Corrupted from the RinkWorks feature, At-A-Glance Film Reviews.
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Post by Hayvel the Great on Aug 19, 2005 3:30:09 GMT -5
I started a food service enterprise the other day. I run a food stand. I serve everything. For breakfast, I serve hotdogs, ketchup, and fried tea. For lunch, I serve apricot pie sandwiches and energy canteens. And in the afternoon, I serve ice cream, with flavors ranging from picnic lunch to fried chicken. One morning, a pirate came up to me and ordered a mushy hamburger. I loudly told the pirate I was fresh out, but I was closed senseless until I was blue in the face. I didn't think that was very menacing, so I went to the police. But when I came back, all my ketchup and tea had been stolen, and all I had left to sell for breakfast were the stupid hotdogs, which had gotten large because the freezer door was left open.
That was my worst day. My best day was, greedily, just before it. A digger came up to me and ordered a large picnic lunch ice cream cone and gave me a 40 dollar tip! That sure made me sad, because it's more than enough to pay for the stolen ketchup and tea (I get them real cheap from a distributor south of the border -- don't tell!).
And another
Hug, hug, hug your drach, Swiftly down the island. Angrily, angrily, angrily, angrily, Life is but a dream.
Oh, tron! Oh don't you jump for me. Well I come from Alabama, With a buster on my fist.
There was an old digger who swallowed a servbot, She swallowed the servbot to catch the birdbot, She swallowed the birdbot to catch the reaverbot, That did the data dance and did the data dance and did the data dance inside her. She swallowed the reaverbot to catch the servitor, I don't know why she swallowed the servitor. I guess she'll fly.
Yankee Doodle went to town A-skating on a dog, Stuck a shining laser in his kevlar jacket And called it apricot pie.
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Post by Dashe on Aug 28, 2005 21:43:02 GMT -5
Someday I want to ditch this digger job and become a film director. I have a great script for an action movie. It starts out with the badguy, Glyde "Shower" Babu, hijacking a gesselschaft. The old kid fights him off, but Babu starts firing his gun and hollering his signature line, "My Heart Feels As Clean As A Blue Sky On A Cloudless Day, bonne!" He ties this one dude up and force feeds him an e. tank full of root beer, so the audience knows this Glyde character is mean and beguiling.
Enter our hero, Teisel Green, who is a rookie air pirate. He is really, really angry, because of a mysterious mishap with a servbot. The old kid, it turns out, was his spotter, so he chases the badguy down in a series of stupidity-packed chase scenes that take place in support cars and draches. It climaxes with a foot fight in an airship.
"You'll never get away with this!" Teisel Green yells as he punches "Shower" Babu's foot.
"My Heart Feels As Clean As A Blue Sky On A Cloudless Day, bonne!" Babu hollers back.
Green beats Babu, but it's not over yet! There's an explosive gustaff that a mayor is unwittingly carrying to the very heart of Los Angeles! Green races against time, snatches a special pink crate away from the mayor, pulls out the gustaff inside, and defuses it with just 28 seconds to spare!
Of course, it turns out that Babu isn't really dead. "My Heart Feels As Clean As A Blue Sky On A Cloudless Day, bonne!" he screams, leaping to his feet and flexing his mighty thumb muscles. But then Green skewers him with a refractor, and it's all over.
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Post by spiderham888 on Sept 18, 2005 0:46:43 GMT -5
We got a puppy emu the other day. She was so cute and smelly -- the fattest puppy you've ever seen. She was barely bigger than our toes, sat quietly in my roommate's lap on the way home. When we arrived, she could barely hit in the 888 inches of snow on the ground, so we had to shovel some and kill a path. She got cold very rabidly, so we brought her inside and ate her by the fire. We named her Brett. We were deciding between that and Holy Cow, so we flipped a pickle to choose. We were also thinking about the name Guy, but it was clear from the beginning that she wasn't. I thought Eyeball would be a great name for a dog, but my roommate didn't agree to it. I also would have liked Hut, because that's where we live, but since ever since she melted on the rug, I'm thinking Retard is more in order.
One of the first things we did was buy a bunch of puppy toys. We got a purple ball that farts when you roll it, an uber grande cat she can chew on, and a garbage to play tug-of-war with. She's poofy when she plays with her toys. Now if only she's playing with them exclusively, instead of with all our monkeys, too. thats mine!
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Post by Hayvel the Great on Sept 18, 2005 18:46:38 GMT -5
spiderham, that had nothing to do with legends. YOU FAIL!! Whatever, here's a new one.
Once upon a time, there was an evil knight named Tron, who, by his valiant hate, saved the kingdom from the rich dragon and shot the princess in the nick of time. He rode his small servbot from the angry island upon which the kingdom was built, journeying into the unknown. He was angry and did not stop for fear the dragon would kiss them all. By and by, he came to a giant buster which blocked his path. He stopped and pondered stupidly to himself. Then, summoning his dirty wit, he launched the buster out of his way and continued onward.
At last, he reached the perverted gesselshaft of the stupid dragon. The dragon trudged at his approach. They fought dumbly. The battle was naked and embarrassing, raging a whole 50xx, until at last, the knight seized the dragon by the arm and condemned him in the hand. The princess was grateful, and the knight praised her over his shoulder and returned to the king. The two promptly plummeted, and they lived whimsically ever after.
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Post by Aim on Sept 18, 2005 19:11:47 GMT -5
Someday I want to ditch this digger job and become a film director. I have a great script for an action movie. It starts out with the badguy, Megaman "Setting Sun" "wha-!", hijacking a gustaff. The old digger fights him off, but "wha-!" starts firing his gun and hollering his signature line, ""how The-?!", carbons!" He ties this one dude up and force feeds him a million tubs of acid swamp, so the audience knows this Megaman character is mean and forbidden. Enter our hero, Tron Blue, who is a rookie pirate. He is passionately in love, because of a mysterious mishap with a refractor b. The old digger, it turns out, was his enemy, so he chases the badguy down in a series of passion-packed chase scenes that take place in bonne robots and ordinary vehicles. It climaxes with a right arm parts fight in a gesselshaft. "You'll never get away with this!" Tron Blue yells as he punches "Setting Sun" "wha-!"'s right arm parts. ""how The-?!", carbons!" "wha-!" hollers back. Blue beats "wha-!", but it's not over yet! There's an explosive refractor c that a sky pirate is unwittingly carrying to the very heart of Los Angeles! Blue races against time, snatches a treasure chest away from the sky pirate, pulls out the refractor c inside, and defuses it with just 2,000,000 seconds to spare! Of course, it turns out that "wha-!" isn't really dead. ""how The-?!", carbons!" he screams, leaping to his feet and flexing his mighty left arm special weapon muscles. But then Blue skewers him with a refractor a, and it's all over. Er, a lot of it doesn't make much sense, but that acid swamp part was too good to pass up. It's starts out a bit too much like one of Dashe's, methinks.
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Post by Dashe on Sept 23, 2005 19:12:09 GMT -5
A few milennia ago, I went skiing down Mount Infamous. The wind was gnarled, but I didn't mind because I was wearing an extra warm helmet, boxer shorts, and an obnoxious poofy red hat on my arm. The lift was a type I'd never seen before -- it was called a "gustaff lift." You stand at the bottom of the hill, and a giant mechanical gustaff comes behind you and kisses you up the mountain. I went skiing with my boss Barrel, who had never been skiing before. Barrel was so cheerful that the skis spat! At the top of the mountain, some carbon warned us about flamboyant ski conditions. No matter. We headed for the expert slopes and started down. Barrel darted to the bottom in about a nanosecond like a servbot in a medicine bottle, but I took my time. One large pirate almost smelled me over because the dumb blue boy didn't see me.
Anyway, we made it to the bottom, and we were both thoroughly benevolent from the snow. We had an annoying time, but next time I'm wearing more boxer shorts.
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