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Post by WoodleDiaper on Jan 6, 2005 20:41:01 GMT -5
A few months back I started writing a Legends fan fic, and well, kind of stopped. I recently started up again and finished two chapters...Remembering that someone on these boards said they'd like to see it I've decided to put up those chapters and see what ya guys think. So far it's pretty much opening up and explaining what has happened since the last game...I hope to start getting some action in by chapter 5, but I'm not promising anything =) so far it's pretty much drama, and I plan to have some romance in there towards the end of it. So if you're into drama, romance, action, and maybe some humor then this should be a good read for you once it's finished...For now, you just get the first two =P Enough rambling from me... www.fanfiction.net/u/731393/Tell me whatcha think! Also, please keep in mind it's been a while since I played the legends games, so if I messed up any facts please let me know, although I'm pretty sure i got everything straight =) |
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Post by aarond on Jan 6, 2005 22:37:10 GMT -5
Hey, that was pretty long!
I'm going to be honest with you from the start: I don't like fancharacters. If you wanted someone to "team up" with Tron, it might have been better to use one of the already-established characters in the fandom (admittedly, there are few) like Dantz or Glyde, especially because of the inherent comic qualities both of them possess.
You need to separate your paragraphs more. Longer paragraphs=readers getting bored. Everytime there's a new thought, try to start a new paragraph unless it's absolutely necessary to keep going.
A thought about MegaMan: I really don't think MegaMan would confess his true origins to Roll unless there were no other choice. It seems to me that he would do anything and everything necessary to keep his AI nature a secret from her and Barrel, and even from the Bonnes. But I guess that train has already sailed.
Otherwise, good job. I saw few actual mechanical errors, which always makes me happy. Everyone seemed to stay in character for the most part. I also left a review on ff.net, a little shorter than this post.
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Post by WoodleDiaper on Jan 9, 2005 23:22:18 GMT -5
Cool, cool...Thanks for the advice =)
I'll try separating my paragraphs more...The way I did it was I would just start a new paragraph when someone new spoke, but you're right as that can cause some huge paragraphs. I'll fix the first two chapters at my next big revision. If you enjoyed this, I think you'll be happy with the upcoming chapters.
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Post by WoodleDiaper on Feb 4, 2006 17:30:54 GMT -5
Man...talk about taking a break. More than a year later, I just took a look at the two chapters I wrote...fixed them up a bit, and decided I really need to work on this story some more. Changed some stuff around in the second chapter...mainly the point Aarond made that I decided I agree with.... If anyone new would like to check this out and maybe post some thoughts, that would be nice....hope to have a third chapter up rather soon =D www.fanfiction.net/u/731393/ |
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Shift
Sharukurusu
Blade Arm Master
Anchored Cross
Posts: 668
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Post by Shift on Feb 4, 2006 18:26:45 GMT -5
Pretty good, but personally, I don't think that too much time should be spent on getting Trigger back from Elysium... It seems like there should be a lot more going on than just that. And also, the BRIDGE was the only thing destroyed, and so they've all of Elysium to explore. I think that whilst walking around this once so-called utopia, that Sera and Yuna (as well as other units, if there are any, which there shouldn't. Juno's data was deleted after being accused of an Abberant) should help Trigger remember his past, or give him a little more information. There are a few things that are certain:
- Zero should NOT BE BROUGHT INTO THE STORY, AT ALL.
- Not too many new characters should be introduced to the story as far as fan-fictions go.
- Rock shouldn't go for either Roll or Tron, as far as entering a relationship goes. Judging by his persona and characteristics, he wouldn't be one to fall in love or anything of that sort. He's more concerned of keeping friendship, and uncovering his past, and that should remain true.
Other than that, I didn't read too much of your fan-fic, but I like it so far. It's good how Roll and Tron fantasize over Rock, as they should, but he doesn't for them. Anyway, like I said I haven't read too much, so if that changed, nevermind. Keep it up, I'll be sure to finish reading later on.
Oh, last thing. Sera shouldn't be as... cheerful. It doesn't really fit her. Yuna and Sera were opposite Mother Units, and you sort of made them have eachother's personalities..
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Post by Aim on Feb 4, 2006 19:42:06 GMT -5
I'm... I'm going to finish reading this and get back to you with some opinion and a review. Man, your fanfic is crushing mine. Agh, and I thought it was hard to write a few chapters! This owns. Really, great dedication there. EDIT: I did read the part about Tron's attraction to Megaman destroying her robots. That's some hot stuff right there. Nice thouch.  Shift, Sera is cheerful once she is defeated by Megaman. Presumably, she would still be that way when she awoke. Perhaps having the time to actually talk and play has made her this way. I might make you a picture as a token of appreciation for all of this. I mean, you deserve something for working this long on the fanfic. It really is amazing. I've read about half and I need to go eat now. I probably can't get back on tonight, so I'll pick up at Teasel tommorow. |
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Shift
Sharukurusu
Blade Arm Master
Anchored Cross
Posts: 668
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Post by Shift on Feb 4, 2006 21:12:15 GMT -5
Yeah I guess you're right about Sera, but still, I really don't think that Trigger should choose either Tron or Roll. It just doesn't seem right.. I understand that they like/love him, and even if he has hidden feelings for one of them, he shouldn't reveal them. The game is NOT a romantic-action, and I really don't want it to make that turn... but if you want to include in your fan-fiction, then go right ahead, I'm just hoping that Keiji and CAPCOM can hear my thoughts, and realize they should keep Trigger single.
And I've read a little more, I still like it a LOT Bill, you're doing a great job. I'm just hoping that I don't run into anything unexpected..
And also, would you really think that would work? Having the game start with missions similar to TMoTB only, and not Legends? It just seems like (considering the fact that they have the tutorial in the begining of Trigger's basic combat techniques) the game should focus more on Trigger, and the first mission should as well. As far as applications from TMoTB go, that's GREAT, I LOVE that idea. But a fair and balanced mixture. Having like the first 10 missions be about Tron would be annoying to me.
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Post by Aim on Feb 13, 2006 20:33:43 GMT -5
Alright, I've finished reading it now. It seems like, to be canon, a few things would have to be changed about the part with the introduction of the Gustaff. It was actually used in the Saul Kada battle, just with different legs and new weaponry, and in that battle it was destroyed. Also, the original Gustaff was pink, not green. The Marvel vs. Capcom Gustaff is commonly green, but the original was pink. Perhaps the phrase "wasn't fairly difficult" in the part about their descent to Elysium could be phrased better, since that seems to imply that it was "unfairly difficult." There's a few gramatical errors between the paragraph beginning with "Roll, you have to see this!" and the one beginning with "I think this is it." For instance, it should probably be "if all was well" instead of "if all were well." Really, it is amazing. I laughed at the part where Roll removes her helmet. If she was having a hard time with her hair, imagine how Tron felt. But then, I felt really sad at the end when Tron was ignored upon Roll's return. It really reminded me of that part in MML2 in Pokte Village. I was sorry for her then too. The inclusion of all the smaller details is what really makes it a great writing. There's many points where people are reminded of little nostalgiac pieces of there old adventures, which is a nice touch. |
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Post by WoodleDiaper on Feb 15, 2006 20:00:30 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments...much appreciated.
Shift, you're talking to the guy who thinks Zero should be dead from X5 on, so no worries there. I plan on having two of my own characters in there through the entire story...although they will contribute to the plot rather than steal the spotlight, I'll be making sure of that. Also, I know Elysium isn't really "destroyed"...but it has suffered through wear and tear over the years if I remember correctly. Also, to my knowledge, Yuna, Trigger and Sera are trapped inside the library...at least that's how I have them in this.
I always imagined a third Legends game starting on Elysium...Maybe with an introductory mission being recovering Trigger like in the story, or a small tutorial with Trigger, Yuna and Sera. I do see this story as a Legends 3, sort of, but I know that if it were a game there would have to be some major changes in the beginning. Later on there will be parts that could be missions, if it were a game.
AimMan.EXE, I'll have to look at that part again and touch it up. The entire descent to Elysium was a part that I couldn't really think of much to do with, so I kind of got it done as quickly as I could...As for the Gustaff, I remember I made it colored with the color scheme I had chosen in MoTB...Why exactly I did that I don't remember as it was over a year ago, but now it seems like a pretty stupid idea seeing as pink seems to be the official color for it.
Again, thanks for the input. Haven't found much time to work on it lately but I'm slowly piecing a third chapter together...hope to have it done soon.
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