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Post by Loken on Jan 10, 2011 8:18:39 GMT -5
You hid that deviously well HF, What do you call a pirate without a ship? A handycapped hobo.
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Post by MegaTuga on Jan 10, 2011 9:50:11 GMT -5
There were two guys riding each one theri bikes. At certain moment one of them fell adn the other's name is John.
...
*ba-dum-tsh*
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RyanLEO
Poh
At the Stripe Burger!
Posts: 415
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Post by RyanLEO on Apr 22, 2011 15:38:53 GMT -5
Kind of offensive. How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2 - one to hold the light bulb, and another to spin the chair
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Post by Dashe on Sept 20, 2011 15:19:59 GMT -5
I don't know if this counts as a joke, but it gave me the hiccups.
Medical notes
These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow (FROM DR. NOTES!!!)
-The patient has no previous history of suicide. -Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. -Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. -She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. -Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. -On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. -The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. -The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. -Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. -Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. -Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. -She is numb from her toes down. -While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. -The skin was moist and dry. -Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. -Patient was alert and unresponsive. -Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. -She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. -I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. -The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. -Skin: somewhat pale, but present. -The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. -Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. -Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. -When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. -The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. -Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. -She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. -Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. -The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. -By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Wait - Did I Read That Right?
In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a Memphis department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office: AFTER COFFEE BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen at a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign at a car lot: BRING IN YOUR OLD CAR AND YOUR WIFE, AND WE'LL DICKER
On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
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Fatman X. Jones
Cannam
The Definitive Fedora
Banished To Fort Asshole
Posts: 386
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Post by Fatman X. Jones on Sept 20, 2011 17:15:33 GMT -5
I've a joke, too.
What do you call it when a soldier farts? A dishonorable discharge.
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Post by Rockman Striker on Sept 22, 2011 13:13:50 GMT -5
I've read an ad on a wall similar to what Dashe posted: "You don't know how to read? we will teach you how!"
One more ad: "We paint houses at your domicile"
I can't remember anymore at the moment...
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Post by ravenf6 on Sept 22, 2011 13:51:43 GMT -5
This one probably sounds dumb..
What did the baker get when his oven blew up?
Toast.
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