My Original Legends Era Story

[gileum]

EDIT: Character Gallery at the bottom!

Hey guys! I was hoping I could get some feedback on a story I have been working on for some time now. It's not completed yet, but I'm at a point where I'd like some feedback to see how people might think the story is going, if it's worth continuing, constructive criticism, etc etc etc the whole nine yards.

I'm really excited to hear back from people!

Through A Dreamer's Eyes  <----Preview Here

The preview stops just shy of Chapter 10, which is the last chapter I've written so far and ends on a decent stopping point setting up for a "sequel" (basically the rest of the story as I get to it)

My Discord name is Gileum#7162, or you can reach me on my discord server for my youtube channel at: Reploid Revo Discord

Oh yeah, I run a MegaMan themed youtube channel that's all about finding connections between each game in the franchise. Check that out too at: Reploid REVO Youtube

Thanks!

-Gileum/Twitch

Dean B. Washer! Freelance Digger Extraordinaire!

Hima! Mysterious girl "from the tropics!" ((Spoiler text removed from image))

Hima ((Spoiler Text Retained))

Olly! Lovable ball-shaped mechanic!

Nola! Hot-air Pirate, and a Hot Air-Pirate!

[Digouter]

This is pretty darn exciting! Aahahah, I'm going to give this one a read, but I just wanted to compliment your designs. I also checked some of your content in Youtube, and you've got yourself a sub! I'm going to be editing this post of mine as I get into your story so I don't end up spamming this with quadruple posts haha.

There's something really awesome about these designs, they're all really passionate. Based on what I've seen of your work since then, you've obviously improved, but these are still super great

[Digouter]

Okay! I took the time to read the whole thing, but I apologize if what I'm going to say sounds a bit disjointed, because I've been a bit fatigued lately I suppose, just too much going on haha. So so, let's explore what I thought about this story (so far).


First and foremost, something about this story is very familiar to me, which made it easier to digest the whole thing in one go. It's the kind of side story that I can somewhat relate to, to the point where I feel like it's the kind of premise I might have built for the story as well. Of course I didn't do that and it's definitely your story through and through, but what I'm saying is it feels comforting to read. In my opinion, the whole story seems to be about exploring the interactions between Dean and Hima, both of which I feel are really believable characters. I feel like the passion for this story involves their relationship, and because of that their dialogue is actually really dynamic and I can practically feel your excitement as you wrote them.

The action scenes are smooth. I appreciate dis. Actually, it's smooth almost all throughout. One of the things I love the most about writing is how there isn't a single best way to do it, and how it feels like each writing style has the invisible watermark of the author no matter how they might change it. Your writing style is smooth, which made it an easy read for me. I'm not sure for how long you've been writing this, but I do feel a sense of progression as it went. It's probably been quite a while since you've written, but I'm really looking forward to see how your writing style might have changed in subtle ways between now and then!

Dean's character reminds me of a dear friend of mine haha - at least if he were transported in the Legends world - which helped immerse me a bit more haha. Hima's character is actually surprisingly well-written. It's clear that you paid close attention to everything you did with her, and I appreciate that a lot.

The bar scene was also a riot, but for some reason I had imagined that Dean was like, 15 or something (sorry, Legends habit) so seeing him just down alcoholic drinks and jokingly bet his body was a bit jarring to me hahah. Even if he was old enough (I'm sure he is), it felt like they had just enjoyed this cute moment with Hima asking for another stack of pancakes that I was like, 'whoa' hahah. With how much he wanted to spend a night with Nola through darts, I'm not sure how that would've played out if Nola agreed, specially with Hima haha. Eheheh, Megaman Legends does get a bit perverted from time to time, but I did find myself a little distracted by it x)...

But yeah! All in all, I liked this one a lot. Something really comfy about it. If you ever decide to continue it, I'd be looking forward to see more from Chapter 10 onwards!