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Post by Dashe on Jan 29, 2015 17:44:55 GMT -5
Discuss. What is the ideal amount of mayonnaise to use in a sandwich? Defend your claim with as much factually opinion-filled evidence as possible.
I'm staunchly in favor of foregoing mayonnaise altogether in favor of hummus or avocado as a substitution. Besides the obvious health benefits of going the non-mayo route, mayonnaise has a strange smell and a slimy texture that never fails to toss anything it touches into the uncanny flavor-texture valley of things that can only be described as "gag-inducing." Even when used as a bonding agent in salad dressings or other recipes, I can always think of a different viscous condiment to substitute that has more panache and flavor to it. I'm on the fence about aioli as well. It packs more flavor but the egg yolk texture is an awkward distraction. Subtract the egg and you pretty much just have garlic-infused olive oil.
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Post by Chiz on Jan 29, 2015 18:08:57 GMT -5
Many things in life have strange smells and slimy texture; some of these are edible, some are not. But we must recognize that existence as we know it could not be without these things. The problem is, your typical sandwich is dry and lifeless. Not everyone can afford to have the freshest breads and thick cuts of meats and plant matter with every meal. With the liberal application of mayonnaise, not only does your sandwich become extremely flavourful, but it conveniently slides down your throat without issue, allowing you to rapidly enjoy more of this wonderful meal sooner and with less digestive woes. The only reason why there is a limit to how much mayonnaise you can add to a sandwich is that at some point, it stops being a sandwich, and becomes various independent ingredients loosely dispersed in a mound of mayonnaise. Obviously if you do not end with a sandwich, you haven't improved on it, you've simply replaced it with something else, or used it as an ingredient. The concept of a sandwich falls apart, just as the sandwich does in real life. The meal was born a sandwich, but has transcended to a higher form of existence - flavoured mayonnaise. Obviously flavoured mayonnaise (Baconnaise, Dijonnaise) is acceptable in some limited applications, but one should be cautious when using these impure forms of mayonnaise, or worse, spreads that purport to be mayonnaise-flavoured or "mayonnaise-like" (Salad Dressings, Cream Cheese, Flavoured Chip Dips). These are heretical substances that can ruin your sandwich the moment any is applied, and I strongly suspect that you, Dashe, were led astray by these false products.
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Post by Dashe on Jan 29, 2015 20:00:54 GMT -5
So, Chiz, by your standards an ideal sandwich should, in fact, be sufficiently moist in order to facilitate expedient ingestion, correct? That's a pretty solid argument against mayo, if you really think about it. Who would want to spend all that extra time savoring the flavor of an egg yolk, oil, and vinegar emulsion? If anything, the addition of egg yolk to the oil and vinegar, often used on their own as a sandwich moistening agent, serves to make the sandwich less moist. If price is the primary issue with your condiment, mustard's definitely the way to go. Upon comparing prices between the cheapest available generic brands of mustard and mayo at a low-end grocery store visited on 29 January 2015 at approximately 19:30, the mustard was priced at 5 cents per ounce and the mayonnaise was priced at 24 cents per ounce, both rounded up to the nearest dollar. Clearly mustard is the objectively better value. Even if they were priced similarly, the mayo has the objectively weaker flavor and approximately ten times the caloric value, rounding down. I'm not fond of the other heretical products mentioned above, either. It just doesn't seem logical to dislike mayonnaise, but partake in other emulsions advertised as a viable mayonnaise substitute. That's as absurd as claiming to enjoy imitation bacon bits whilst shunning actual bacon.
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Post by Chiz on Jan 29, 2015 20:30:48 GMT -5
Now, I didn't say it made the sandwich not-dry. I just said that the mayonnaise acted as a lubricant for the dry sandwich. Oils of all kinds help keep machinery running the world over - surely this applies to the machinery of the body, too!
I also didn't say anything about price; obviously once price becomes an issue, then you start compromising your mayonnaise intake by only using "just enough" -whatever that means- on your sandwich, and you start using more "cost-effective" formulations of mayonnaise which may or may not meet the true, traditional definition of mayonnaise (a subtle, dark descent into the aforementioned "mayonnaise-like heretical substances").
As for imitation bacon, well, there's a huge industry surrounding that for those individuals who are doing self-imposed challenge runs through life; you know, vegetarians, pacifists, the religious, transhumanists, etc. It is completely absurd, but there's just no accounting for some people's taste!
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Post by Dashe on Jan 29, 2015 20:51:16 GMT -5
The point on oil and vinegar as a sandwich condiment still stands, then. In fact, straight up oil would probably yield the best lubrication results. All the vinegar and additives are likely diluting the oil's lubricant properties. We'd have to design and run an experiment to prove for sure that oil makes a more efficient sandwich lubricant than mayo, though. Not everyone can afford to have the freshest breads and thick cuts of meats and plant matter with every meal. You definitely said something about price.
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Post by Rockman Striker on Jan 29, 2015 20:51:53 GMT -5
We all know that mayonnaise is one of the greatest inventions in the world, almost as great as the Internet itself, but according to my own personal opinion and experience on a 22 years mayonnaise tasting career, I can definitely ensure that the correct amount of mayonnaise to be applied is: enough to give the sandwich a bit of mayonnaise flavor, but not so much that it makes it stick at the top of your palate. That's my conclusion to the subject but I'm open for debate.
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Post by Chiz on Jan 29, 2015 22:11:01 GMT -5
Dashe Okay, well, obviously I meant that you can't afford wonderful sandwiches once you've bought a sufficient amount of mayonnaise. I suppose if you eschew mayonnaise, you could have fresh, thick sandwiches, but there's no point to it. You can't eat without purpose, that's gluttony. Rockman Striker - that "sticking to the top of your palate" is the mayonnaise giving you a hug. Don't deny its love.
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Post by Buster Cannon on Jan 30, 2015 3:56:13 GMT -5
Mayo is a skippable condiment in my eyes. Sure, modest amounts of it on a sandwich can work, but there are often better (and healthier) choices. Mustard, vinaigrettes, oil, avocado, sriracha, A1, and many other substitutes are all capable of delivering a great taste.
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Fatman X. Jones
Cannam
The Definitive Fedora
Banished To Fort Asshole
Posts: 386
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Post by Fatman X. Jones on Jan 30, 2015 8:36:02 GMT -5
I eat mayo on all my burgers, and all my cold-cut sandwiches. My stance on mayonnaise is, one good tablespoonful is enough for your sandwich or burger, balanced out with ketchup.
And yes, I said tablespoonful. I personally use a spoon to scoop and spread my mayo, it's much easier.
To be fair, I didn't really like mayonnaise a whole lot until a few years ago. I tried a Baconator burger from Wendy's one day, forgetting to order it without mayo, and I found the mayo was savory enough to balance out the hearty beef and the sweet, tangy flavor of the ketchup without overdoing it. Since then, I've usually ordered Baconators from Wendy's or Monster Thickburgers from Hardees' without any changes to the order. Mayo just makes them click together better, in my humble opinion.
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Post by Dashe on Jan 30, 2015 13:19:23 GMT -5
I ordered a Baconator pretty recently, too. I don't go to Wendy's often and had no idea it came with mayo and almost threw up in my truck because I ate it without bothering to check. I thought some of the cheese had gone bad at first and then I pulled it apart and, alas, mayonnaise. It's probably got to do with people's slime tolerance.
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Post by Chiz on Jan 30, 2015 15:18:30 GMT -5
Baconators are wonderful sandwiches. They have representation of ingredients from all four food groups (Bun is Grains, Ketchup is Vegetables, Bacon is Meat, and Processed Cheese is Dairy), meaning it constitutes a balanced meal that I can feel good about (after the inconvenient pressure in my chest and tingly sensation in my arm subsides). The fact that mayonnaise is in attendance by default is the cherry on top. My only complaint is that they ought to take the concepts they have from Baconator, and merge them with concepts found in their 3/4-Pound Triple, BK's Quad Stacker, or A&W-Canada's Grandpa Burger. I think it was Wendy's that saved my soul. I never really liked mayonnaise as a child, but I was at a truckstop somewhere along the 401 and got one of their chicken filet sandwiches that had lettuce and a heavy application of mayo on it [turns out 10 minutes later I discovered my order was switched with someone who ordered the same sandwich but with a lot of mayo instead of without any]. After that, my eyes were opened to the truth and became a more faithful devotee. Fatman X. Jones - spoon method definitely wins; it can be seen in my Sloppy Chiz pictorial guide. During culinary classes at school, they had us use one of those rubber spatula things, and it just didn't work at all. Plus, after you start cutting into the mayonnaise in the jar with a knife, it loses what little structural integrity it has and becomes especially messy to work with. By scooping out portions, the remainder stays together better, and results in a cleaner application and assembly.
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Post by EskimoOfTheNight on Feb 6, 2015 19:50:09 GMT -5
"...individuals who are doing self-imposed challenge runs through life;" This sentence deserves recognition. As for my personal opinion on Mayo, I despise dry sandwiches more than Mayo, so I cope. I don't really enjoy the taste, but I make do. (The exception is Miracle Whip, I have actually eaten that by spoon before...)
I tried homemade hummos, hummous, humos... you know what I mean, but I keep getting the red squigglies of misspelledness and am too lazy to actually look up the word. on a sandwich recently. It was really garlic-y, but I think with a better mix of ingredients it could become palatable, and possibly a replacement to mayo.
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Post by Dashe on Feb 6, 2015 21:52:09 GMT -5
Oh god. Don't let Chiz hear you mention eating Miracle Whip by the spoonful. He might sit on you and break your entire body into a paste that...actually wouldn't be too bad on a sandwich. I'd absolutely take the splattered remains of a newbie on my sandwich over mayo.
Try the roasted red pepper kind of hummus. It's less garlic-y, and not spicy if spicy isn't your thing. My mom likes that kind because she's not into garlic either. If spicy is your thing there are several flavors for that. There are a bunch of flavors out there. Even an extra garlic-y one.
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Post by EskimoOfTheNight on Feb 6, 2015 23:20:03 GMT -5
I'd absolutely take the splattered remains of a newbie on my sandwich over mayo. That's... actually quite disturbing... Are you currently seeing a shrink? Because you might want to look in to it... Red pepper hummus sounds like it might be good, I'll keep an eye out for some. The one problem is, I absolutely love tuna sandwiches, and we make it using a lot of mayo. Any recommendations? You can't taste the mayo, but it's there... comments?
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Post by Dashe on Feb 7, 2015 6:48:52 GMT -5
That's... actually quite disturbing... Are you currently seeing a shrink? Because you might want to look in to it... Ow! You triggered my shrink trigger! I'm telling my shrink on you! No idea. I can't handle seafood.
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