MegaMan Legends 2: A Novelization

[lordofallkobuns]

www.fanfiction.net/s/5470812/1/MegaMan_Legends_2

I'm trying my hardest to do the game justice. I'm writing this for those who love it and for those who haven't played it.
Please tell me how I'm doing.

[lordofallkobuns]

Chapter 5 is up!
www.fanfiction.net/s/5470812/5/MegaMan_Legends_2

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

[Traingham]

*Throws a rock at Emerald's head*

Dude, come here and do your thing already!
___________________________________________

While we wait for our reviewer to come in---

I have my own flaws to improve on so I won't talk about grammar or your own personal writing style, however, I did notice that you don't seem to spend much time in your action sequences, which should play a large part considering that most of the thrill in the series takes place in the ruins.

Reading Megaman's exploration of the Forbidden island made me feel as if the main obstacles in his journey like the wolf or the mammoth was not given much attention.

Yes, I do realize that perhaps you may be more set on the drama aspect of the series. Maybe you are more adept to giving flow through dialogue rather than through the actions of the characters. It's been done beautifully in stories before, but given the circumstances, it just doesn't strike me as much to hear that our hero shot his buster cannon at something....and it died.

If you want someone to read your story and get the impression that what the hero has done is something no mere individual is capable of, you must show that there has been a struggle. How was his or her foe vanquished? Was it through an internal wound? Was a weakness exploited or was it by their own folly that they were brought down to their knees?

Trust me! You wanna do justice to the story? Then do more than what you feel is expected from your readers. Go further and impress yourself.

I won't wish you good luck. We all have the potential within ourselves to make our own luck. Take care! ;D

[Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em)]

I'm sorry, I haven't had time to read fanfiction lately. I'll read it now.

[lordofallkobuns]

Ok, thank you for the criticism. I know my action sequences have so far been...lacklustre. I'm afraid I'm not good at writing them, for some reason. I'll try harder in the upcoming chapters.
I'm not sure what it is. I'm trying not to get it to be too long or repetetive. I mean, "He went from room and killed some snakes, to another room and killed a weird blobby umbrella thing, to another room, where he shot something that looked like a big lemon" isn't very exciting. I guess the drama is more my thing.
However, I get that there should be a good balance between the two.
I appreciate your suggestions and will do better in the future.
Thank you.

I have hope that my next chapter, detailing the fight with Tron at Pokte Village, will balance the two. That was the scene that made me want to write this.

[lordofallkobuns]

Newest chapter is up. I tried my hardest to balance action and drama in this chapter. This was the scene that made me want to write the novelization.

The next chapter will be basically all action, as it's the godawful Manda Ruins.

[Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em)]

Alright, it is now time for me to preform my duty as the OFFICIAL fanfic critic on this site. My opinions are not just opinions, but educated ones garnered from over eight years in the business. If it seems I am being harsh, it is only because I have to be to do my job in what I feel is the best way possible.

So let me get right into this: as a man who has played through Megaman Legends 2, I was not interested while reading it. Your job as a writer is to MAKE me want to experience the story once more, using your skills as an author to give me a fresh experience. This is accomplished by good writing, expansion, and change ups. I'll explore these points deeper.

Writing is what I usually end up talking the most about. I will say this: your writing is alright. You don't have that many spelling mistakes, it is clear who is speaking in every line of dialogue, and there is at least some general idea of where the characters are at any given moment. Congratulations. But it could be much better.

For instance, average paragraph length is very short. Beyond the base settings and a few sentences dictating the characters' movements, there is very little description throughout. Because of this, the story flies by at such a quick pace that one feels it is simply slipping out of their hands rather than being fed to their mind.

This can be fixed, of course. Give more descriptions of the environment, detailed descriptions of what characters are doing while talking, and get into the character's heads. That last point will be explained later. Do all this, and the quality will already soar to what I would consider the base level of all good adaptation fics.

There is a big world in Megaman Legends 2, and many characters as well. Why then, are we so far restricted almost exclusively to the events in the game? As it stands, reading this story is like reading a game script with some light novelization elements thrown in.

You already started to improve on this by the third or so chapter, and I applaud you for that. Continue to change things up, and add in additional scenes where they would be appropriate and flesh out the story and characters. I also like how the characters participate in some minor swearing in this story; don't be afraid to change up even more dialogue in the future.

Also, get inside the heads of your characters. The game doesn't let you in on anyone but Megaman's thoughts, and even then rarely. As this is a fanfiction, there is much more pressure put on you as a writer to explain the thoughts and emotions of the characters. Do so however you like, through mental dialogue, omniscient authorship, or a mix of both. At least concentrate on doing so with Megaman himself (no, I will not be calling him Rock) to make him a more believable protagonist.

Simply put, your story is not that interesting in it's current form, despite being at least competently written. With some re-writing, it could undeniably become a great novelization of a great game. As it stands though, it is missing the quality and originality (yes, originality factors into adaptation fics quite heavily) that would make the story interesting to a Legends fan or even most non-Legends players.

Anyways, don't get down. What you've done so far isn't half-bad, and I feel you will improve rapidly if you go over these first few chapters with a fine toothed comb and flesh them out into a TRUE novelization.

If you want any examples of good descriptive writing, feel free to give my Legends 3: Endgame fanfiction a read. I'd suggest paying attention to how every movement is explained, and the pacing of the fic as a whole.

Good luck in the future, and I will read your future chapters diligently from now on.

[lordofallkobuns]

You can call him MegaMan all you want. I only called him Rock because it's slightly less ridiculous sounding, and it's a habit.

I shall take all your criticisms to heart, and will work harder in the upcoming chapters. I think I realized that I needed to work on descriptions and thoughts by the third chapter, as I attempted to flesh out the characters.

As for the story chugging along, I think my problem was that I didn't want it to get too flowery and I was trying to make sure it didn't drag along with random tangents and, for lack of a better word, sidequests detracting from the main plot. I was struggling whether or not to include the part with Maria in the bar, as I didn't want it to seem thrown-in.

I'm reading your fic right now, and am getting a better idea of what to do with descriptions.

I will try my hardest to take all your suggestions and incorporate them in upcoming chapters. I have a good feeling about the next chapter. I wanted to expand the dialogue of the characters that appear during the Manda Ruins, in particular Bola.

I thank you for your suggestions. It really means a lot.

[Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em)]

Hey, your welcome man. It's my job to help people out in this section, and it is an occupation that I generally enjoy.

I think you misunderstood one of my criticisms, though. I didn't say that your story was chugging along, but that it was racing forward at break neck speed. Pacing like that leads to disinterest, especially when not balanced by slower moments.

You should not stick strictly to the plot; the plot is only one aspect of the game, and if you leave out the world, you are only showing the reader half of the game. I'm not saying Megaman should be investigating every house in a village, but more interaction with the town would certainly give it a more believable feel. I felt that a critical piece of the experience was missing when you didn't even give passing mention to the duck in Calinca.

On the other hand, I'd advise to you stay away from the optional dungeons unless you plan to do something really interesting with them.

[lordofallkobuns]

Haha, the duck in Calinca. I get what you're saying now.

I've updated the first chapter, in an attempt to add more description. Unfortunately, it's taking a while to show up on the site.

[Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em)]

Well, the re-written chapter one is much better than I remember it being. Good job; you've already shown marked improvement. That isn't to say it still couldn't be better, but it is already better than 80% of the junk of fanfiction.net.

Keep working hard, and I'd suggest fixing up the other chapters in the same way before creating the next.

[lordofallkobuns]

OK, I've updated chapters 2 and 3. I rather like the new scenes in chapter 3.

It might take a few minutes for the updates to take effect, though.

[Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em)]

Alright, just got done reading the two updated chapters. I have to say, both of them are much better now but I was REALLY impressed with Chapter 3. You even remembered the shopkeeper who has a thing against diggers.

Since everything was basically fine throughout the whole chapter, the only thing else I feel like pointing out is that the bar scene could have been a bit more fleshed out. For instance, "Rock" could have tried ordering a drink just to see if he would get one or not (considering we know Rock to be tempted by... adult pleasures, it would be in his character. See magazine stand in Legends 1). At the very least, he could have pressed her for a bit more information before leaving. He's wasting time until Roll can take a giant metal capsule out of a house and install it on a flying boat, after all. That takes time.

And now I'm going to go back and read through all the chapters of my Legends 3 story, because I'm beginning to feel that I've left it alone for far too long, and that it is time for me to start working on it again.

[lordofallkobuns]

Just a quick update, I have NOT died, nor has this fic! I just got overexcited writing the next chapter and it's really long. However, I think it's one of the best in terms of weaving together new and original content, and incorporating deeper action scenes. I think in the future I'll have to do shorter chapters, as this one is like a word fort. I'll get done with the newest chapter soon.

[Qwertman]

Just read the last chapter. Pretty awesome, I look forward to this next one!