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Post by Dashe on Feb 17, 2009 23:48:58 GMT -5
Chapter 14: Reunited and it Feels Kind of Mediocre, Really
Dashe was strolling around MMLS, casually slapping infraction reports wherever the light touched and keeping an eye out for the cloaked Staff Lounge Pharaohman accidentally told her about. Her exploits took her all the way to the outskirts of Legends Station, near the Banned Member graveyard
"Who's down here?" someone asked from the shadows as she heard a banhammer click into place.
"I am Temp Staff Assistant Dashe!" Dashe exclaimed, her little pad of infraction reports at the ready in the event of an emergency. The thought never crossed her mind that she wouldn't be able to properly report someone who could actually ban people.
The banhammer clicked off as fab stumbled out of the shadows with Blyka and Feldinaut following behind. "Oh, it's just you..."
"Wait a minute. Fab? Feldi? Blyka?" Stammered Dashe as she shoved the half-written infraction report into her pocket. "You're back?"
"We're just here for the refractor." Feldinaut explained as though it were a normal thing to do in Legends Station "We've also noticed how well you've been hounding those double-posters, and wanted to congratulate you for winning at life. So don't think your job is over just yet!"
"Of course not!" Dashe laughed. "I was just hanging out here looking for this invisible Staff Lounge Pharaoh accidentally told me existed!"
fab deadpanned. "He what?!" he sputtered as Blyka fell into a dead faint without a word.
So as they walked back towards the main hub of Legends Station, fab told Dashe all about how she wasn't supposed to know the lounge even existed and that she could look all she wanted. She wasn't going to find the place without real mod permissions.
However, once they reached the center of town, they ran into Pharaohman. fab's frown deepened as he yanked the mod over to the side and thoroughly lectured him for his slip of the tongue.
And then Dashe spontaneously combusted. But the others never noticed because there wasn't any blood.
THE END...OR IS IT? Dun dun dunnnnnnn...
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Post by Dashe on Jul 9, 2009 21:37:12 GMT -5
(Sorry about that, I forgot this story existed again. It happens.) Chapter 15: What Just Happened?You're all wondering how I'm telling the story. You don't have an option. According to you peons, only two scenarios could have possibly occurred: 1) I'm not dead, it was merely my copy that spontaneously combusted. 2) I'm a ghost. Well, you're all wrong! Here is what happened... Dashe woke up some time later in what looked like a graveyard. She squinted through the haze around her and sighed. "Dang it, I had that stupid dream again about a subpar first-person narrator spouting nonsense again," she mumbled incoherently. "Just rest for now, eh?" said a voice. "That voice sounds Canadian. It sounds like Sparky." "...It's Chiz, you dipwad." Chiz heaved a sigh. "Man, you're more out of it than we all thought you'd be." "What just happened? One second fab was giving PharaohManXe54 some crap about telling me something he shouldn't have, and the next I'm here...in the Land of the Banned...?" She blinked a few times through the haze as she noticed gravestones for SIMStevens, Tenshi2, and TerraChronicle, among others, in the overwhelming fog. "The mods thought you spontaneously combusted and buried you here as if you were banned. I dug you back up because I looked up spontaneous human combustion online...and it definitely did not happen to you." Chiz explained. "Wait a minute, I remember everything now!" Dashe cut him off. "fab said something about needing mod privileges to get into the Staff Lounge. I have to go!" "Hey, hold on a second," Chiz exclaimed. "We have a Staff Lounge? Why did I not know about this?" "It's invisible." Dashe sighed. "Now give me some food." "No." Dashe rolled her eyes and took off, leaving Chiz stranded in the middle of the Land of the Banned, staring into space and wondering about this lounge himself.
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Post by Captain Amadeus (Legendary Em) on Jul 10, 2009 10:47:32 GMT -5
Ha, this story is hilarious! I wonder why I never noticed it here before. Maybe I should spend more time reading other's stories here instead of plugging my own...
*the advertisement that followed has been deleted out of a sense of decency by the original poster*
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Post by Dashe on Jul 10, 2009 21:15:52 GMT -5
Chapter 16: The Journey and Mod Permissions
Dashe was in her ship--yes, ship, because she totally had one. Its existence must've slipped my mind, but alas, yes, she boarded her ship in hopes that she might find some hint of the staff lounge from the friendly skies of MMLS. It was a long journey for her too.
Every second felt like an hour to her and she didn't have much to do while she was in there. She kept it on auto-pilot the whole entire time and played several hundred rousing rounds of solitaire, winning once.
At one point the ship shook and she thought that she was under attack but it was just a passing n00b spamming up the boards with four-word posts, which Pharaoh took care of.
After two days, she saw no trace of the real mods or of a decent place to put an invisible lounge, much less the legendary Mod Permissions. She landed near the MMLS mine and disembarked.
"Where are they? Maybe they're not here yet because everything looks like it's in order." Dashe muttered to herself. She was blissfully unaware of how little sense that thought actually made.
So Dashe decided to go into the mine knowing if the permissions were on the forum at all they would probably be buried in there, at the bottom. They had to have been mining SOMETHING, after all. She went inside and found no trace of anyone ever being in there.
She ended up finding her way to the very bottom and found a padlocked safe down there, with the Mod Permissions presumably inside.
She decided to destroy the safe and extract the permissions for herself. Dashe's morals were questionable even then.
She kicked the lock for hours before it finally snapped open. Massaging her foot in agony, she prepared to pry the door open with her bare hands and excessive Temp Staff Assistant strength when she heard footsteps approaching her from behind. "Was it Teisel Bonne?" She thought. "And if it IS Teisel, would he give me a free hug?"
As she turned around, she found out that it was the whole Ban-Happy Mod Squad, staring at her, all jaws hanging down.
"Fancy meeting you here in a place like this, huh?" Dashe managed to utter, with an idiotic grin crawling its way onto her face.
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Post by Dashe on Jul 11, 2009 20:32:07 GMT -5
Chapter 17: Dashe's Promotion
"Yes I'm back, and you're in big trouble, Dashe!" fab roared.
"Impossible! I have done nothing but write up rulebreaking peons!" Dashe defended herself, stepping up against the safe in a last-ditch effort to keep the Mod Permissions safe.
"So Dashe, you're here for the Mod Permissions, I presume." Pharaohman said.
"Of course I am! I want them now!!!" Dashe exclaimed. She cackled as if she'd ingested an entire six-pack of Mountain Dew...which was impossible, because she was partial to Cherry Coke.
"She's lost it!" Feldi cried.
The others all gathered around Dashe ready to fire their banhammers in case Dashe decided to pull anything on them, but Dashe decided to bide her time instead. Dashe and the real mods stood there waiting for a half-hour, staring each other down.
"This is going nowhere." fab finally conceded with a sigh. "Dashe, the Mod Permissions aren't in that safe. That's just where we keep the excess Mountain Dew stores."
Dashe blinked and peeked into the vault. Sure enough, there was nothing inside but several hundred cases of Mountain Dew.
"I haven't felt this ripped off since Mega Man X6," Dashe admitted.
"Don't. The real reason we're bothering you at the moment is because I'm heading out again for another hiatus," fab explained. "I'm putting Feldinaut in charge and giving you those Mod Permissions you've been looking for."
Dashe blushed. "Oh." She muttered, glancing at the floor. "Thanks."
The five of them left the mine without a word and returned to the surface.
"Anyway, Dashe, it sure is good to have you on the team for real this time," fab added, handing her an official MMLS Mod Permissions Card. "You're just bloodthirsty enough for the job. I'll be popping in periodically to check up on things but basically Feldi's in charge from here on out. I don't expect anything crazy or life-changing to happen anytime soon so just keep doing what you're doing. Peace out, yo dizzle."
"Sweet deal," Dashe shrugged as she pocketed the card and went off in search of the Staff Lounge.
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MayImilae
Zakobon
Badgeless, and proud of it!
Posts: 145
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Post by MayImilae on Jul 12, 2009 22:13:56 GMT -5
I just read this thing start to finish. Awesome! Now that you officially have mod powers here in the story, do you get any other shiny toys? And what is the staff lounge like? I can't wait for the next installment! And what is wrong with a soda machine that only spits out mountain dew?
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Post by Dashe on Jun 7, 2010 12:58:13 GMT -5
Okay, another summer...that means time to get back to this epic of epics. And dang, MaJor, you're making me want a Mountain Dew.
Chapter 18- Time for The Staff Lounge
"Okay, we'll meet up at the Staff Lounge. Dashe, you come with me." Feldi said.
"Okay, it's about 100 miles from here so it'll take about six days so we can refuel." Pharaoh calculated.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??!?!!" Dashe sputtered. "Six days?! I should reach there in about half that time. We're not driving an airship and it is somewhere in Legends Station, right?" Dashe skeptically asked.
"Don't listen to Pharaoh." Feldi sighed. "He's just messing with you. It's right on the outskirts of the Fan Works Section. See?" She pointed to a massive tower that it really should have been impossible to miss the first time Dashe came around. It was situated atop a towering hill overlooking all of MMLS and had the words "OFFICIAL STAFF LOUNGE" emblazoned across it in neon letters.
"How did I miss that?" Dashe sputtered after about five minutes of staring blankly at the tower.
"You didn't have the Mod Permissions," Pharaoh shrugged. "Nobody can see it without them."
"Then how did I manage not to run into it?!"
Pharaoh sighed. "It's enchanted to repel normal members. Anyone who walks within fifty yards of that thing is going to wind up remembering something important that they forgot to do and turn around to the other areas of the forum. fab's got this whole thing covered."
Once they reached the Staff Lounge, Dashe and Feldi started talking while Pharaoh went to go grab some drinks. They both reclined on their lounge chairs on the upper deck, which boasted an in-ground swimming pool, marble columns, a towel caddy, a snack bar, and umbrellas so nobody wound up with glare from the sunlight on their DS's and PSPs. Most of the mods were so laden down with electronics that even thinking about swimming was a dumb idea. The pool was really just there to show off.
"Feldi, how did you become a mod?"
"I don't remember. fab knew that I had at least half a brain and wanted me to weed out those annoying people who refused to acknowledge anything above a third grade education and tyep liek dis. I helped him because he seemed like he knew what he was doing at the time. Why so interested?" Feldi said.
"I'm a power-hungry tyrant dead-set on taking this place over in the next few years. I can't wait until I get to start banning people," Dashe shrugged as if that sort of thing happened every day. "And another thing...what or who is Bon?"
"You mean Bon Bonne? The video game character?" Feldi raised an eyebrow. "Go take that one to the General Legends Discussion board. And don't even think you've got the powers to ban anybody--fab and I are the only ones who can do that. Got it?"
Dashe frowned. fab wasn't going to make her hostile takeover anywhere near easy.
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Post by Pitch on Jun 7, 2010 16:24:05 GMT -5
The Staff Lounge is by the Fan Works section? Of course! This whole time I've been searching by Site Discussion... ∗facepalm∗ I'm sure I'll find it now. ... Although, come to think of it, I have some work I should probably get back to. Maybe later ...
∗wanders off∗
p.s., I got a little chuckle at this latest one, Miss Dashe. Keep it up! ;)
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Post by Dashe on Jun 8, 2010 15:04:21 GMT -5
Chapter 19- Ban!
"Banning people isn't as fun as you think it is," Feldi sighed. She took a swig of Mountain Dew. Pharaoh hadn't returned with the refreshments yet, so naturally they both had sodas. It only makes sense if you don't think about it too hard.
"He killed them!?" Dashe sputtered.
"Dashe, where do you get these non-sequiturs?!" Feldi exclaimed. "Are you running off of someone else's script or something? We were talking about banning people, not capital murder!"
"Oops, sorry. Continue."
"Don't even think about trying to get to the ban button on the top floor. Even if you did find it you couldn't use it without the Admin Permissions anyway."
"Will I ever be Admin?"
"No. Sadly you'll always be a normal mod. It would take nothing short of the apocalypse or an assassination plot to say otherwise."
"It's almost as if more people these days have disgustingly lofty plots brewing, including me."
"What's wrong with you?" Feldi exclaimed. Something about my brunt honesty involving the MMLS staff makeup disturbed her greatly.
"I'm 95% robot.," Dashe bluffed. "When fab cloned himself something terribly wrong happened and I ended up as I am. He was going to destroy me but then he had a change of heart, gave me some armor and almost killed my chances of ever getting a Cherry Coke from his Mountain Dew Machines."
"That's hard to believe." Feldi scoffed. "You don't even look like fab. You're not even a guy."
"I know. I now wonder whether I should even exist."
A cloud of emo-ness thus descended upon the upper deck of the Staff Lounge like that friend nobody actually likes but everyone's too polite to ditch.
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Post by Dragge on Jun 8, 2010 19:01:28 GMT -5
I have to admit I laughed hard with that one. A little bit of plagurism never hurts right? Anyway as I start to re-edit all of my previous stories, I will always remember this as a hilarious spin-off on one of my first stories. I you wish to make spin-offs of my other ones, just send me a pm and I'll make sure not to edit them any further. Can't wait until you post the next chapter.
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adam1589
Cannam
Aw Heck sits and watches
I'm not here anymore.
Posts: 396
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Post by adam1589 on Jun 10, 2010 9:56:04 GMT -5
hmm this thread gave me an idea for something similar for myself,
only instead of a 'chronicles of aw heck" it'd be more like "my story, short and sweet"
basically i'd say my opinion on the things that've happened to me throughout my 21 years of life
ie: to begin with the first entry would be about being caught up with christ from birth and about my religious family
it'd be funny for sure, but i'd like Dashe's okay before posting it
oh btw i read the few post's about dahse's name's pronunciation: i've always said "Dash" but with a long "sh" with a similar slur to that of a soft, almost silent "z"
overall this is great Dashe keep it up!
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Post by MegaTuga on Jun 10, 2010 12:03:38 GMT -5
Why I didn't saw this before can someone tell me? Eish time to read all the posts *reads ALL of them* Well this looks like a pleasant story... nah just joking its awesome! keep it up! "I haven't felt this ripped off since Mega Man X6," Dashe admitted. I have to admit that this pulled a giggle out of me.
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Post by Dashe on Jun 11, 2010 16:45:36 GMT -5
Chapter 20- Where IS He?
Dashe and Feldi's wait for Pharaoh to get back was crazy long. They were bored with nothing to do except complain about how emo and confusing their conversation had become, which they did.
When Pharaoh came back with three 2-liter bottles of ice-cold Mountain Dew fresh from the vault, he seemed a little off.
"This turn of events is absolutely shocking! There are no pirates!" he exclaimed in disbelief.
"No pirates?" Feldi exclaimed. "Maybe you should cut back on the caffeine."
"What took you so long?" Dashe asked.
"Usually on the way up from the soda vault I get ambushed by pirates," Pharaoh tried to reason. "This time there weren't any, so I decided to investigate. It took me an hour. Sorry about that."
"I thought the Staff Lounge was invisible and impermeable to anyone who didn't have Mod Permissions."
"They're part of the architecture."
"Well without the threat of pirates attacking, let's hit the boards. You never know when someone might commit a crime against humanity and post a four-word response." Pharaoh said.
What Dashe didn't know was that the pirates were designs on the staff lounge wallpaper that had been painted over shortly before fab left.
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Post by Blyka on Jun 11, 2010 21:04:01 GMT -5
Just read through all the chapters again to refresh my memory, and I must say it’s quite an entertaining read that got a chuckle out of me more than once. Hilarious portrayal of the forums and its members in general, in particular the Ban Happy Mod Squad and the elusive Staff Lounge (and the Land of the Banned for that matter).
And naturally I loved the part when I fell into a dead faint without a word. Brilliant.
Glad to see you’re still adding to it after this long and I hope you keep up the good works!
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Post by Mr. Ninja on Jun 14, 2010 16:20:05 GMT -5
Your fan-fiction is really coming along quite well and got a few laughs out of me so kudos to you. ;D Ha! It's like Hogwarts from the Harry Potter series!!
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